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Column: ‘Windy City Nanny’ has timely advice for parents struggling to explain our fractured nation: ‘Be the example’

Be. The. Example.

These three words best define the expert child care advice for parents from Florence Ann Romano, better known as the “Windy City Nanny.”

I reached out to Romano after hearing from parents struggling to explain to their kids what’s happening in our country in regard to political hostility, racial animosity, social restrictions and lingering COVID-19 pandemic.

“My daughter, who is soon to be 20, refuses to talk,” said Lori Ann Pierce, a reader in response to my previous column on this topic. “I tell her this is her time. It matters. She just won’t listen. I just want a conversation.”

“Our boys are 12 and 9,” wrote Tianna Mikula. “We talk openly with them, as we would rather they hear it from us than their peers. I try to give facts and then ask how they feel about it.”

“Our daughter is 15 and she has followed politics for many years,” wrote Billie Jo Gradowski-Wojtysiak. “She has very strong opinions. She knows what’s going on and she’s scared, disgusted, and just sick of everything.”

“I have completely hidden this from my son,” wrote Roni Gold. “It’s too ugly and overwhelming for me, and definitely too ugly for him.”

This parenting strategy can work if the child is young enough, or blissfully oblivious enough. It gets more complicated as kids grow up and keep asking questions that have no simple answers.

“I have a feeling we all could use a gut check here,” said Romano, who’s been watching children, listening to parents, and thinking how to bridge their gap.

“More often than not, what I see gives me hope for humanity,” she told me. “I know that seems impossible to say right now, but I do believe — even on our worst day — that most people are good. It is this thought that leads me to watch the millions of examples of humanity I see on a daily basis, in little and big ways.”

She reminds parents who are struggling with their kids that this “life philosophy” can heal a hurting world, one family at a time. When it comes to conversations with kids about current events, Romano encourages her clients to focus on accessibility, productivity and the possibilities of mutual understanding.

“Children digest more media than we think and I have always been curious how they process what they are hearing and seeing,” Romano said. “So, what do you do when you want to know what they know? It’s simple. Ask them.”

Ask them what they know about the Jan. 6 events at the U.S. Capitol. Ask them how they feel about it. Ask them if they have questions. Ask them what their friends have been saying and what they’ve been hearing.

“Let them starting talking, not just listening to adults,” Romano suggests. “In a world where they, and we, feel out of control, this small step of getting them talking has a big payoff. You become their safe space, their refuge, and they become yours. No matter their age.”

Most of the parents I heard from admitted they struggle to address hot-button issues with their kids, no matter their age. It’s so much easier to allow social media, their smartphones or their peers tackle subjects that make parents feel uncomfortable. The pressure cooker of national politics has only complicated things, they say.

“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Romano counters. “I think we complicate things when those things are really so simple. We should be able to be respectful when we disagree. We should be able to put others first. We should be able to lead with love.”

Her advice to parents is to get your kids talking but, before you do, come to that conversation with a neutral energy and ready to listen.

“How you act is going affect their reaction,” Romano said. “They’re watching how you conduct yourself on the daily and I urge everyone right now to check how they are behaving. How they are speaking to others. What they are typing on social media. Your house shouldn’t be a place where the ‘rules are for thee, but not for me.'”

“We all could use a gut check here,” Romano said.

If you don’t know how to have hard conversations with your kids because the subject matter is out of your comfort zone, or because you don’t feel educationally equipped, then ask for outside help, she suggests.

“Mr. Fred Rogers had a great line, ‘When I would see scary things in the news, my mother always told me to look for the helpers.’ And that’s who we all are, we are the helpers. That’s what gives me hope. And that’s the answer right now,” Romano said.

That’s the answer every time in every situation as a parent.

“We get so lost in inconsequential matters,” admitted one parent, Susan McIntire. “Politics don’t really matter. It’s consuming us. But in truth it’s a fallacy. It’s all about humanity and connection.”

If you’re a parent or grandparent seeking a connection with your child or grandchild about these difficult issues, Romano insists she has a starting-point answer for all of their complex questions.

Be. The. Example.

jdavich@post-trib.com