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I know we are sheltered in place right now, but it is time for a date. Surprise: You do not have to go on any apps or start asking for setups, because this is a date with you. If you are rolling your eyes right now, I get it.
When I first heard about this concept, I hated it. I had signed up for a weekend-long dating course to get me back in the game after being divorced. When I got the itinerary, I was pissed. A day and a half were about dating myself. There were only two hours scheduled for talking about others. I did not get it at all and considered asking for my money back.
After my initial irritation subsided, I realized that the woman teaching the course likely knew more than I did, and if she thought this was the best way to get started dating again, I would trust her. This is the same I ask of you. Even if this is annoying, you give it a try. See what you notice and what comes up for you.
The reason this is the first step in reentering the dating scene is that before we can tell another person what type of date we want, we have to see how it feels in our body first. Often when dating, we have lots of ideas about what the other person should do to and for us. But these ideas might be based on earlier beliefs. We have not taken our desires for a test run yet. The more we know in our bodies what we like, the easier it will be to ask for it and get it. So let’s do it!
First, start by writing down your ideal date. Write down how you want to be picked up, where you want to go, what you want to see, and how you want to feel. As with all visualization exercises, use all your senses to describe your experience. Think about the colors, smells, textures, and sights that make up your date. Be as imaginative as you can. If you want to fly on a private jet to Paris, write that down. The sky (no pun intended) is the limit. Write away.
Next, pull out your calendar and pick a date where you will be going on a date with yourself. No, you do not have to hold two days for the Paris trip. Simply pick a time when you can have at least 1 hour to yourself. If you need to ask others for help and childcare, do it. Plan to do two of the things on your ideal date list that you are able to do at home. For example, order some chocolates and flowers for yourself.
Design your date as you would want someone else to, and indulge in it with yourself. Notice how you feel doing different activities. Notice which ones you enjoy and which ones you would change. Remember, this is all data gathering for when you go on a date with someone else. The more you know what you like, the more prepared you will be for dating. Let me know how it goes.
