‘Ma’am, step away from the turkey, please’: Thanksgiving police blotter

Guest perjures self A female in her 20s from a Brookline gathering was found by police wandering the neighborhood after being caught lying on the host’s COVID pre-screen test, falsely claiming that she had not gone to a “barefoot body conditioning” class at her fancy gym, had not brunched in the Seaport, and definitely not hung out with Ethan, who we know is Not Being Careful.

Ambulances called to the scene A melee broke out in Cambridge after a male in his 40s ignored agreed-upon “off limits” topics of conversation, and brought up subjects including voting, science, and “facts.”

Dress code violation Police have released surveillance footage of a guest who showed up at her mother-in-law’s Back Bay townhouse dressed in a Zoom outfit — sequined top, holiday hair, festive earrings, paired with pajama pants and dingy slippers.

Protest ends peacefully A Dorchester man who claimed he had to “jump off” off the painful family Thanksgiving Zoom because his dog needed to be taken out for an emergency walk, was spotted by a neighbor lying on his unmade bed rewatching the Christmas party episode of “The Office.” He was released on personal recognizance after agreeing to rejoin the family Zoom once the TV show was over.

Fire department, police, respond to ugly fire pit incident Wellesley police have released a sketch of a suspect who flew into a rage after guests dining in his backyard complained of being cold because the artisan fire pit he’d bought specially for the holiday was not, in fact, throwing off any warmth. “Heat lamps have been sold out since July!!!!” he screamed.

Phone seized as evidence A Roxbury hostess was taken into custody despite arguing that a youth who “appeared” to be the 11th person at the gathering should not, in fact, count. “She’s always on her phone,” she said.

Son faces charges from his mother Following a complaint from his mother, a Jamaica Plain man was apprehended after falsely claiming he was forgoing the family gathering in Falmouth because he’s worried about exposing others, when no one in the group, including him, believes the virus is real. He was transported to the Cape.

Holiday spirit infraction Responding to multiple calls from individuals on the scene, police obtained a warrant to enter the home of a Charlestown hostess who had allegedly: tweaked a family recipe for stuffing, substituting sausage for chestnuts; admitted it was a “relief” not to have to push furniture out of the way to make room for a children’s table; and texted a friend, “even if the pandemic ends I’m doing a zoom thanksgiving next year.” She has been taken into protective custody.

Beth Teitell can be reached at beth.teitell@globe.com. Follow her @bethteitell.