God Lady Gave Me Hemorrhoids

NOT TAKING THIS SITTING DOWN Ostersteen After Victoria Osteen, wife of super mega-preacher Joel Osteen, elbowed flight attendant Sharon Brown in the tit last December, Brown become so distraught that her ass grew hemorrhoids. At least that's what she's claiming in a civil suit seeking an apology and 10 percent of Osteen's net worth. The incident, which took place on board a Continental Airlines flight, involved Osteen becoming enraged because her first-class seat was marred by a quarter-size dollop of unidentifiable liquid. She allegedly manhandled Brown and another flight attendant, stormed to the cockpit, and was eventually removed from the flight and fined $3,000. Brown is now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and unsightly ass growths.