The ten weirdest toys you can buy at Comic-Con 2014

Comic Con may be known for its friendly attendees, but in the vast hall, where badge holders compete for limited edition merchandise and toy company giveaways, the atmosphere is one of outright consumer war.

To buy the truly special toys and spend the next year inspiring envy in your collector friends (or making a profit on eBay) you need sharp elbows, keen eyes and one of the big branded sacks that the various publicity companies are giving away. In short, you have to survive the realm.

Or, you could buy the anime vibrator and be done with it.

1. Martian Soldier vs. Baracula

The imagination just about stretches to a Martian from Mars Attack meeting the current POTUS, but add in the vampire element, and the fact that this is a Presidential Monster jr, which implies a senior version floating around the toy universe, and one has to wonder at the sheer leaps of reason that led to this particular Comic Con exclusive from Funko.

2. Daenerys Targaryen lunchbox

Because sometimes you love the mother of dragons so much, you want to put your sandwiches in her.

3. Cuddly dislocated heart and eye toys

This company has designed a range of covetable cuddly body parts, including this dislocated eye, and this heart, which was presumably torn from a soft felt chest. The range also includes cuddly testicles and a little mint-green prostate.

4. Practical Japanese erotica

Kudos to the designer of this anime mousepad, which, with the raised breasts for added wrist comfort, is both slightly sexy, and practical. Purchasing this wrist-cushioning wonder could add valuable time to your personal Internet surfing sessions, which might make this adorable pink Japanese vibrator a wise buy as well.

5. Gandalf hat and knit-your-own Hobbit scarf

LARPing can be cold, so keep yourself warm with a Gandalf hat, and this Hobbit scarf knitting kit, in just the right shade of ‘extremely grey’

6. Woollen R2-D2

Judging by the stuff on sale at Comic Con, it’s fair to say that nerds love wool. This soft R2-D2 toy is perfect for anyone who bemoans the lack of huggability on your average droid.

7. Glitter troll

Like a Faberge egg, this glitter-encrusted Troll is the very next level in luxury Lucky Troll collecting. Does the glitter make it extra lucky? Undoubtedly.

8. Burrowing beast

Why not buy this terrifying figurine, developed by the miniatures company War Gamma, for your worst enemy? It’s unpainted as well which means they have to work for the terror.

9. Wooden replica Hammer of Thor

I don’t know why this exists, but these carpenters were really nice.

10. Star Trek bat'leth and horseman's katana

Above that pretend Star Trek bat'leth (sword of honour) is a fully-functioning weapon, a horseman’s katana, yours to take home for only $99.99 (£58.90).