If you have a good host, call him or her "more generous than Hatim."
It's a popular saying in the Arab world, referencing the Arabian poet Hatim al Tai, a well-known figure in the Middle East and India. As the legend goes, Hatim al Tai is known for killing his horse in order to feed his guest.
I'd like to unpack that old adage after visiting the The Kingdom of Bahrain.
One month ago, I traveled to Bahrain as part of a 10-day cultural program called Discover Bahrain. The program welcomed people from around the world for a crash course in Bahraini history, government, beliefs, economy and language. It was like study abroad for adults.
I traveled with 19 other delegates ranging in age from their 20s to their 50s. They hailed from Australia, Croatia, Mexico, Canada, Palestine, Estonia, U.K., U.S., Italy, Ireland and Portugal.
Bahrain's 240-meter high World Trade Center contains 50 stories of offices, shopping outlets and restaurants.
The trip was paid for by Bahrain's Good Word Society. All of it. That's the full disclosure.
I had never been to the Middle East before. Apart from the miserable civil war in Syria, I honestly never paid much attention to this part of the world.
Bahrain brims with much-deserved pride. Manama, the capital, glitters with glass skyscrapers and curvy architecture.
They're also quite financially stable. Oil doesn't drive Bahrain's economy, like in other Gulf countries, but the kingdom plays a major role in processing petroleum and aluminium. Before that, the island thrived on its pearl-diving business. Bahrain is frequently called the Pearl of the Gulf, a shining gem in between two seas.
That brings me to the people. Arab hospitality is unlike anything I've ever experienced.
Our hosts introduced us to their fathers, mothers, wives and children. Families greeted us with open arms. They kissed not one, but both cheeks. Many women held my hand while they spoke to me. It was unfamiliar and at first I balked at it. Then I started doing it too.
Western influences were apparent in the city of Juffair. One street featured United States brands like KFC, Starbucks, Macaroni Grill and Hardee's in both English and Arabic.
The trip followed a packed schedule with visits to Parliament, ancient monuments, mosques, the University of Bahrain, athletic venues, various businesses and family homes. The staff in every single location showered us with gifts, stuffed us with meals and filled us with tea.
We saw a range of homes with varying degrees of wealth. Whether a family had a small or large income, their dedication to accommodation was a top priority. Overwhelming hospitality runs deep in Arab culture.
"If you do not treat guests well and feed them to the extent of your capacity, then you're stingy," explained Abdulla Almannai, a Bahraini journalist and Discover Bahrain volunteer.
And stinginess is not an option.
Children of the hosts brought around trays of cakes, dates, figs, nuts and candies. If I only took one or two pieces, they would encourage me to take more, more, more.
A delegate leaned over and warned me, "It's rude if you don't try everything." So I inhaled my weight in sweets.
Tea wasn't offered -- it was poured for you unless you preemptively, and loudly, stopped someone.
I never went hungry. I never felt thirsty. In Bahrain, my cup was always full.
On one visit, a host presented me with a thickly-smoking lantern. It smelled woody and amazing but I didn't know what to do with it. I made a motion to take the lantern, but someone stopped me.
"No, this is bakhoor," said Zazo Jamal, the daughter of one host. "You wave your hair in it."
She demonstrated, shaking her head in the smoke like an Herbal Essences model.
"They do this at weddings or just to perfume the house," she said. "You're supposed to offer [the smoke] to guests. The smell means you're rich."
Good grief. Back home, my friends are lucky if I remember to offer them a beer when they visit.
The Discover Bahrain 2014 delegation visits the University of Bahrain.
Now, it's customary to offer snacks and beverages to guests in many places across the globe, but these displays were extravagant. We accepted tea and coffee in gold-rimmed teacups, never paper or plastic, from a smiling man in a thobe.
Sesame balls and miniature cakes were painstakingly stacked in pyramids. (I swear, I've had dreams about these desserts since leaving the Gulf, particularly one called Umali.)*
In Bahrain (and in many Arab nations), how one treats a guest is almost a measurement of what kind of person you are. Relentless offerings show generosity and deep pockets. Both are valued.
When I first saw our program schedule, I didn't understand why several hours were scheduled for lunches and dinners. Now I know Bahraini meals need hours for all that decadent food and conversation.
The Bahraini people volunteered much time and effort teaching us about their country and clearly cared about how the world sees them. They're open-minded, well-educated and they give a damn about their nation. They also asked many questions about life in New York state.
I always thought the international stereotype of the rude, cold American was directed towards your typical New Yorkers.
I don't wholly disagree with it. Whether in Manhattan or Syracuse, you'll find fast-walking people on the street, unlikely to make eye contact and too busy to stop and chat.
Hey, we're just trying to get from point A to point B without freezing. Anyone who lives here knows that. But I'm wrestling with this attitude, now that I've experienced Arab hospitality.
It's hard to walk down the street here where no one says hello. Women here don't kiss your cheeks. And man, do I miss those ubiquitous desserts.
If you go to Bahrain or anywhere in the Gulf, expect warm welcomes in every home and establishment. Plan to spend half your day chatting over meals. They won't (hopefully) kill a horse for you, but you'll see what I mean.
Bahrain is an essential American ally and a base for the U.S. Navy's Fifth Fleet.
The face of King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa appears on buildings across the kingdom of Bahrain and on Bahraini stamps.
Like in many Arab nations over the last decade, a societal rift between the Sunni and Shia sects of Islam led to uprisings and violence between pro-government police and protesters.
In February 2011, Bahrain fell victim to a Shia-led revolt, similar to the uprisings in Egypt, Tunisia and Libya. This February marked the third anniversary of Shia protests against Bahrain's King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa.
It's important to note a large chunk of the population loves the king. While visiting Bahrain, every person I met spoke highly and respectfully of the royal family. The king's face graced university buildings and national monuments.
But a quick drive through poorer neighborhoods revealed streets covered with anti-government graffiti (in Arabic). Once I saw the words "Down with Al Khalifa" scrawled in English on the gates of a private residence. I was told the police came every morning to paint over these messages.
This story appeared in the February 23, 2014 Sunday edition of The Post-Standard.
The Kingdom of Bahrain in a nutshell
Source: The CIA World Factbook
Capital: Manama
Population: 1,281,332 as of July 2013
Government: Constitutional monarchy
GDP: $29.75 billion in U.S. dollars as of 2012
Total Area: 293 square miles, 3.5 times the size of Washington, DC
Currency: Bahraini dinar (BHD)
The popular dessert Umali is widely recognized as Egyptian in origin and means "mother of Ali" in Arabic.
*Umali (also spelled as Umm Ali and Om Ali) tastes like a hot croissant soaked in sweet milk, sprinkled with cinnamon and pistachios. It's hot, buttery and eaten with a spoon like a bread pudding. The texture is rich and creamy and the "bread" is phyllo dough, the same dough used in baklava. I began calling it "Yum Ali."