'We Were Monogamous for Three Years, Now We're in a Throuple'

I met Kevin through my brother-in-law, as they grew up in the same area, and we started going out in 2017. We had, and still have, a great relationship and a very strong, passionate love for each other. He's my number one cheerleader and he's very supportive of me, my dreams and everything I want to do in life. That's why, when he and I had been together for three years, he agreed to open up our relationship.

I had been bi-curious for some time, although it was a thought I didn't really pursue. But Kevin and I were very open with each other and we communicated a lot, so I brought it up with him time and time again, my thoughts of being with a woman. Over time, however, I realized that it was something we could do together.

I know there are a lot of poly relationships where someone goes off on their own and has another relationship, away from their partner, and that makes their relationship stronger. But I felt that this approach would take away from the relationship that Kevin and I had—we had such a strong love together, and we wanted to continue building on that with someone else.

Kevin was on board from the beginning. And so, in 2020, we decided to look for another woman to bring into our relationship.

Polyamorous Throuple
Alana Underwood, right, with her partners Megan and Kevin. The throuple have their own TikTok account, where they talk about their relationship.

We met Megan on an app that specializes in polyamorous dating. Initially, we had wanted more of a shorter-term thing. But Megan is very witty, absolutely gorgeous and she gives you this comfort that just makes you feel happy. Being around her felt really good for both of us. Kevin and I would talk afterwards about how much fun we had had with Megan, and that made us realize that we could build this into more of an actual relationship, which Megan was on board with, too. We have been together ever since, and we moved in together in July, 2021.

I think it was a little bit hard for Megan in the beginning, as Kevin and I had already been together for three years. However, she would come to us and say if she was feeling left out and we would do whatever we could to make her feel an equal amount of love. We tried our best to make her feel welcome, and we set a new anniversary date, so she would know it was the three of us in a relationship, rather than her being in a relationship with two people.

We are all very new to the poly community, so I'm not sure if our situation is typical of most throuples, but we are all equals in this relationship. We have an equal amount of love for each other.

We want people to know that this is a normal relationship. Polyamory is a taboo and it gets sexualized but, for us, we are just like a regular couple but with three people. It's feels very normal to us. If you saw our regular life, it's not anything crazy—we're home bodies, we mostly hang out at home. I think we notice the biggest differences when we go out on dates, and we get a lot of looks when we walk down the street, all three of us holding hands.

I think our relationship is great because of the extra amount of love that we receive. A lot of people get love and support from just one partner—and I did have that with Kevin—but now I feel I receive an abundance of love. If I'm having a bad day, that can be turned around so quickly because I have two people who are saying, "OK, what can we do? What do you need?" I constantly have these feelings of comfort and happiness.

Alana on Holiday
Alana Underwood at a vineyard. Alana says she realized she was bisexual while dating Kevin, which is what inspired them to open up their relationship.

Of course, as a throuple, we do face challenges. Even the little things, like choosing food, a movie or an activity for the day, can be a bit trickier as you now have three people voicing their opinions. But, even so, I don't think there's anything that I don't like about this relationship.

If two of us want to do an activity, and the third person isn't interested, we usually try and come up with some kind of compromise. Kevin and I really like Disneyland, for example, and Megan is not a fan. If she goes with us, we will make the compromise of going on her favorite rides or eating somewhere she really likes, to make the trip more interesting for her. But, in other scenarios, where someone is strongly against a particular activity, two of us will go out and do something on our own.

Similarly, for the most part, the three of us are intimate together. But if one person isn't interested in partaking, then the other two are absolutely welcome to. We have an understanding that any one of us is welcome to be a part of it if they want to, but we don't want to force anyone into that. So if just two people are feeling it, they are welcome to go and do that on their own.

In the first nine months or so of our relationship, I experienced feelings of jealousy. I'd been with Kevin for three years and it was difficult to see my partner with someone else.

But over time, I worked on my insecurities and learned to view it differently. I love both Kevin and Megan and I now see the love that they have for each other as something beautiful. It brings me more happiness.

We don't really experience jealousy anymore because we have been able to build that trust and understanding with each other.

Alana, Kevin and Megan on Date
Alana Underwood, left, with her partners Kevin and Megan on a date. The three have been in a relationship together since 2020.

However, there are still times where I might feel left out. I work in an office, whereas Kevin and Megan work from home, so they're together all day. So when I get home from work, I'm sometimes like, OK, I want that love and attention as well. I will voice that to them. Both Kevin and Megan have been able to help me work through those feelings.

I told my parents about my relationship last year and they were accepting of it. I think they just want me to be happy. Our friends have all been so accepting, too. They all treat Megan as if she's one of their friends, and they love her so much.

Most of the feedback we receive on our TikTok videos are also positive. We started posting videos about our relationship in June, 2022, and they quickly got a lot of attention. We had responses from people saying that our relationship was inspiring and that we had helped them "come out" to their parents.

Of course, as with everything, we get a bit of negativity, too. People say they don't accept us having multiple partners. Most of the negative responses bring religion into it, and say that we don't have morals. But I'd say 90 percent of our comments are very positive.

Looking to the future, none of us want to get married or have kids. But we have been looking to move out of California to Colorado, because we want to have more land and be in nature. So that's the main thing we have set our minds on for the future. Then we'll just go from there.

Alana Underwood, 25, lives in Orange County, California. She is the owner of Poppies and Primrose boutique, and is on TikTok with her partners Kevin and Megan at @campthrouple.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Katie Russell.

Uncommon Knowledge

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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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