There's a costly hidden toll of untreated depression for employers. Here's why.

I get asked a lot when I’m going back to work, and it always makes me uncomfortable. I guess it’s a normal question for a woman who has two children in school all day, but what I feel is guilt and shame when asked.

I haven’t held a paying job in about a decade. I stopped working at a marketing agency so I could get healthier and become pregnant, and I’ve never looked back. I tell people I enjoy being a stay-at-home mom, but the truth is I’m too scared to go back. Not because it has been so long, but I don’t think I can navigate my mental illness in the workplace. It’s just too hard. I don’t mean to sound like a privileged woman who doesn’t have to work — I just don’t think I can take the guilt and shame I experienced because of frequent absences, missed deadlines, resentful coworkers, etc.

I think the workplace disdains mental illness. Honestly, I don’t know how any of my bosses would’ve reacted to my being mentally ill because I was too scared to tell them, because of the powerful stigma attached. I usually blamed my absences on migraine attacks, which I do get frequently, but even then, my bosses made it known that was unacceptable. How would they react if I told them that I couldn’t get out of bed to come to work? That’s a real problem with major depressive disorder: You can’t always muster the strength to do what you need to do.

I might feel okay calling in one morning, but by the end of that day, regardless of whether I really needed to take the day off, I’d feel so guilty that I’d be physically sick. I would live in fear of being written up or fired. I have been written up so many times, I can’t even tell you the number. And the added anxiety I’d feel about giving my coworkers even more work to do because I was gone — no wonder I didn’t get along with them all.

I felt alone all those years because none of my coworkers seemed to struggle like I did. But nearly one in five U.S. adults aged 18 or older (18.3 percent, or 44.7 million people) reported any mental illness in 2016, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. I have to believe that folks I worked with were fighting depression or another condition silently. And who can blame them? Most people with a mental disorder don’t divulge that information because they’re afraid of losing their job.

The CDC reports that depression interferes with a person’s ability to complete physical job tasks about 20 percent of the time (that sounds low to me) and reduces cognitive performance about 35 percent of the time (sounds low, too). Also, only 57 percent of employees who report moderate depression and 40 percent of those who report severe depression receive treatment to control depression symptoms. Untreated depression is a huge problem for employers, even if they’re unaware of it. It means those employees not getting proper help likely will miss more days or work, which is costly.

Even after taking other health risks (smoking, obesity) into account, employees at high risk of depression had the highest healthcare costs during the three years after an initial health risk assessment.

The only thing I can say is that it has been almost a decade since I worked. Maybe conditions have improved and it’s more acceptable (and without punishment) to admit your mental illness. Or maybe that’s not the case, but it should be. The World Health Organization says depression and anxiety have a significant economic impact; the estimated cost to the global economy is $1 trillion per year in lost productivity. It would make financial (and common) sense for companies to promote how to be mentally healthy, offer more sick days, provide education about mental and physical health, and encourage use of support services. A girl can dream.

But for now I won’t be returning to a 9-to-5 gig. I don’t want to experience negative emotions for something I can’t control because I can’t “just suck it up.” I can’t control my depression or anxiety. Truthfully, it’s easier for me not to get paid for any work that I do (I’m the communications manager for NAMI Greater Corpus Christi, I have this column, a blog and I make videos for State Rep. Todd Hunter for #MentalHealthMonday). I’ve noticed that I will decline a paying job but have no problem working or volunteering for free. In my mind, it’s because I don’t want to be beholden to anyone, but my therapist assures me it doesn’t work like that. And she’s probably right. Again.

I can write and volunteer for no pay, but I’m still obligated to show up and do what I promised, which leads me to think that it’s not just about getting a paycheck. It’s that I think I don’t deserve one from years of working and falling short at each of my jobs.

That’s how traumatic it can be to be mentally ill in the workplace.

For more than 20 years, Heather Loeb has experienced major depression, anxiety and a personality disorder, while also battling the stigma of mental health. She is the creator of Unruly Neurons (www.unrulyneurons.com), a blog dedicated to normalizing depression and a member of state Rep. Todd Hunter’s Suicide Prevention Taskforce.  

MIND MATTERS

Now more than ever we need to take care of our mental health. Guest columnist Heather Loeb discusses why and explores other important mental health topics in this special series.

This article originally appeared on Corpus Christi Caller Times: There's a cost of untreated depression for employers. Here's why.