Rimming. Ass licking. Ass eating. Rim job. Eating the chocolate starfish. You’ve probably heard a lot of names for analingus (its official name). Put simply, rimming (the name we’re going to stick with) simply involves licking, penetrating with the tongue, sucking, kissing, or otherwise orally stimulating your partner's anus.
Like a lot of sex acts, rimming is riddled with a lot of misconceptions. Many people believe that rimming is simply a stepping stone on the way to penetrative anal sex, or that rimming is an activity reserved for gay and bisexual men. But the rumours aren’t true. Speaking to sex experts, we’re here to explain that rimming is actually for anyone with a butt or a tongue, and walk you through getting started and unlocking a new kind of sexual pleasure.
Why eat ass?
Like we said, rimming is for absolutely everyone to enjoy (if they fancy it, of course!). Whether you’re a submissive person in the bedroom, more dominant, or a mixture, ass-eating should be enjoyable for everyone. Sex educator and author of Boyslut Zachary Zane explains that rimming is so pleasurable for the receiver because "there are a lot of sensitive nerve endings at the actual external anus itself."
"As for the giver, it's just something so hot and kinky and enjoyable." He likens the act to going down on people. If you’re someone who enjoys performing oral sex on penises or vaginas and offering that pleasure to a partner, you’re probably going to like rimming.
"There's also something very arousing about just being that close inside the butt and being a little smothered in a way. It’s just very fun."
How to talk to a partner about rimming
Consent and communication are the cornerstones of all good sex, whether it’s your standard missionary or rimming. Sexuality educator and coach Ashley Manta says having a conversation (clothed and in advance of entering the bedroom) will help set you up for success.
Having a conversation about preparation preferences for the giver and receiver is helpful.
"My colleague sex educator and researcher Reid Mihalko likes to open with the phrase, 'I have an idea!' [when bringing up a new sex act with a partner] which helps set the stage for a low-pressure chat. Share what you want (giving or receiving), what about it turns you on, and if you have any requests or boundaries. The other person should have the opportunity to share their thoughts as well."
If your sexual partner is into the idea, it’s also important to discuss boundaries and limitations beforehand. "Having a conversation about preparation preferences for the giver and receiver is helpful. Is the giver going to use mouthwash first? Is the receiver going to remove hair or shower or douche etc? How will each communicate what feels good and what needs to change? How will everyone know the activity is finished? What kinds of aftercare do the giver/receiver need?"
These are all questions Manta recommends having before jumping into any kind of play, including anal. It’s particularly important to lay down whether rimming is going to be the ‘main event’ or if penetrative anal sex (or another kind of play) is the destination. Not everyone who explores rimming will want this to progress to intercourse, but misconceptions can lead to assumptions in the bedroom, so it’s best everyone is clear.
Like with all sex acts, it’s also important to have a frank conversation about STIs before getting all up in the butt. Manta stresses the importance of getting tested regularly (after every new sexual partner is best) so you know your status. "Oral to anal contact, just like oral to genital contact, can spread a number of STIs, so regular testing, and the use of barriers, can help reduce risk," she says.
How to prepare for rimming
A lot of people believe the misconception that there’s something inherently dirty about rimming, to which Manta says "People need to stop judging and shaming what other people are into. If you're not into it, don't do it! As we sex educators say, ‘don't yuck someone else's yum.'"
There’s also plenty of preparation partners can do before getting started with rimming to make sure everyone’s clean, and avoid mishaps.
As we sex educators say, ‘don't yuck someone else's yum.'
Manta explains there are several options for the pre-rimming cleaning process, depending on how important it is to you. "On the more involved side, there's anal douching. On the more low-maintenance side, you could just nip off to the bathroom for a quick baby wipe swipe."
Zane says doing a full douche isn’t really necessary for rimming. "A lot of people tend to douche expecting rimming to turn into anal sex. But if you're just getting your ass eaten you don't need to clean up six inches inside of your rectum. so you could literally just soap and water on your butthole and you would be completely fine."
Manta says you could also use a dental dam or wearable latex undies like Lorals to create a barrier between the giver's tongue and the receiver.
She also notes that if the receiver is feeling like they want to remove hair from the area, they could wax or shave but this should be done at least 12 hours before rimming commences, as the skin will be very raw and sensitive. If you do remove your hair from the area, note that this can make it easier to catch an STI. So, safe sex is even more important in this situation.
Preparation around cleanliness is down to the individual and what both partners are comfortable with. Some people don’t do any cleaning at all beforehand (after all, butt holes are not inherently dirty and you wouldn’t spend ages cleaning before any other kind of oral sex!) and some people like a bit of sweat down there. Discuss what the two of you would prefer, and make your own rules.
How to eat ass
There are so many different ways to eat ass. And according to Zane, the key is good positions, comfort, and fun (obviously).
"You want to use positions that grant you access to lick their bum hole, so that your neck is not strained as the person doing the eating. If you're the receiver, you want to be in a comfortable position. There are a bunch of standard positions for rimming like a variation on the doggy style position where the top is spreading their cheeks wide so you can actually reach."
There’s no right or wrong way to rim. The giver can start gently and work towards building intensity by kissing around the anus and progressing to soft licking around and inside the anus, and experimenting with different speeds.
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"I like to start kind of slowly by sticking my tongue in and out of the hole repeatedly. I kind of gently tap it with my tongue and just gently massage," Zane says. "Sticking my tongue directly actually on the anus itself flat on it. I think using a lot of tongue [flicking] can tire you out quickly. Darting your tongue in and out constantly is not sustainable so [it’s better to] do that intermittently."
Just as you would with oral sex on a vagina or penis, keep communication open throughout the act with your partner, asking them what they’re enjoying and what’s not working for them, and adapt your approach depending on their response.
How to spice things up
Once you’re an ass eating pro, you might want to try new ways to spice the act up —especially if you’re not using rimming as a precursor to anal sex. For this, we can add good old sex toys into the mix.
If you’re rimming a person with a vagina, you can try adding extra pleasure by using a clitoral toy like a bullet vibrator. You can do this by reaching around and placing it in the doggy style position, or they could use the vibrator on themselves. If you’re rimming a person with a penis, a cock ring can be used to add extra arousal. As an extra tip, Manta says "the giver could also hold a vibrator under their chin or next to their cheek to make their mouth vibrate while they're rimming the receiver."
Sex toys can also be used around or in the anus. "As an anal safety pro-tip, anything that goes inside the anus should have a flared or flanged base," Manta says. That means no sharpies, candles, or TV remotes (yes, people actually do this). If you use a random object as an anal toy instead of a flared sex toy, it can get stuck inside you and cause a great deal of pain. To avoid a trip to the emergency room, use stuff that’s actually designed to go in your butt.
"Use things that are designed for anal pleasure, like vibrating butt plugs, anal beads, or a prostate stimulating massager," Manta says. This is really important, as most sex toy related injuries stem from people inserting a foreign object that wasn’t designed for anal play into their butt. This includes vaginal sex toys — do not put those in your bum!
As Manta puts it, the most important thing with rimming is that everyone is having fun. Keep the conversation going before, during and after rimming to keep everyone comfortable and get the best pleasure out of ass-eating for the both of you.
