DEAR JANE: I'm a single mother who works hard to give my child everything she wants... but my friends say it has turned her into a 'spoiled MONSTER' - Top author Jane Green gives VERY frank advice to a misguided parent

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Dear Jane,

I am a single mother of an only child and have spent my life ensuring that my daughter has everything she could possibly desire. Having raised her by myself, I am proud to have been able to give her anything and everything she could possibly need or want. 

But recently, I've started getting a lot of criticism from my friends and family who claim that my little girl (who is now six) is 'spoiled', telling me that she's become 'a monster' and that she's so difficult to be around, they no longer want to spend time with her – or me. 

Apparently she 'screamed' at my mother the other day because she wasn't allowed another bowl of ice cream – and there have been a few occasions when she's got a bit angry because a relative wouldn't let her watch TV late at night or insisted she share toys with others.

I admit I haven't always been the strictest parent, but I have only ever been focused on her happiness. If the odd toy or new outfit or sleepover party with her friends will help that, then what's the problem?

Please help before I lose all my friends.

From, Single Stressed Parent

Dear Jane, I've started getting a lot of criticism from my friends and family who claim that my little girl (who is now six) is 'spoiled' and a 'monster'

Dear Single Stressed Parent,

You ask what the problem is, when it seems the problem is very clear: you're raising a little girl who will likely not easily find her way in the world, may also find it very difficult to keep friends or jobs, and struggle to cope when the world tells her no. 

I understand you have been doing the best you can, and lord knows, we are all inclined to give our children all the things that we feel we didn't have, whether that's toys, clothes, or permission to do whatever they please. And then we wonder why they have turned out to be, as your friends and family describe, 'a monster'.

Listen Stressed, I know how hard it is to be a single parent. It can be one of the loneliest and hardest jobs in the world. Parenting is not a pastime or hobby, but rather, a privilege and responsibility. The hardest bit of this role is the bit you're avoiding right now by giving her whatever she wants.

International best-selling author offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her weekly Dear Jane agony aunt column

As a parent our role is not only to love our children, but to teach them important life lessons – empathy, respect, gratitude - and to create a structure that makes them feel safe. In short, we are raising adults who can go out into the world and thrive. A lack of structure and boundaries creates anxiety, and stops your child from feeling safe.

It's lovely that you're focused on her happiness, but it's equally important that you're focused on building independence, resilience, and structure. That means that when she wants to stay up all night on her iPad (forgive me for presuming she has one), you not only say no, but you implement boundaries, rules, and structures, including, perhaps, no iPad at bedtime.

You are the only one who can set these boundaries, and life will be hard for a while. I imagine she's so used to screaming until she gets her own way, she will kick off like nobody's business when she realizes you are no longer a doormat and will not give in to her screams. But ultimately, she will learn where the line is, and will likely feel safer and happier as a result. It may not feel like it in the short-term, but your life will be infinitely easier.

As will hers. Because life is hard. Once your little girl grows up and goes out into the world, there will be a myriad of no's and a vast amount of disappointment. Right now the child you are raising is likely to just throw a tantrum, believing that ultimately she will get what she wants, because that's what she is used to. Trust me, I have seen young adults tantrum when they do not get their way, and it is not pretty. The spoiled young adults I know can't keep a relationship or a job, and guess what – it's always somebody else's fault.

I suggest loving, firm boundaries, with consequences for bad behavior: 'No, there is no more ice-cream, and if you continue screaming like that, there will be no ice-cream tomorrow.' Your job is to remain very calm, however stressed her screaming will make you. And if she keeps screaming? The consequences get bigger: 'I'm sorry darling, now we are up to two days of no ice-cream.' And then, Stressed, you stick to it. Whatever else happens, you stick to the consequences.

Once you start setting boundaries and saying no, your child will learn that she doesn't get whatever she wants by screaming, and everyone's life will be better for it. Good luck mama – however hard it will be to transition into this new phase, you will be doing your child, your family and friends, and indeed the world, a huge favor.

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend of nearly three years broke up with me towards the end of 2022. Was kinda out of the blue but he was struggling with his mental health, having left the army after years and years.

After a month of broken down communication, him promising me he still wanted to be in the relationship with me, I woke up to a text from him breaking up with me. He said his head was all over the place and he needed to be alone and that I deserve to be with someone better than him. That was all I got from him until a few weeks ago. He deleted every picture of me off social media and I just felt completely blindsided.

I've spent months crying over him and wishing I could just have a conversation with him. During this time a close relative passed away and I was also made redundant from my job.

He messaged me in January saying it took a lot of courage for him to message me and he's not ready to talk just yet but will speak to me when he's ready. He apologized for the way he hurt me and said that he feels awful for it. He said there's a lot of stuff that happened in the past year that he kept from me and when he's ready to open up hopefully it'll make sense to me why he changed. He said I've done nothing wrong and he'll never have a bad word to say about me and it was for the best in the long run. 

I'm still in love and want him back. I've never felt so comfortable, in love and happy like the way I felt with him. I miss him everyday. I messaged him back and told him how I felt about it all and said that he can reply when he's ready. He read the message a week after I sent it but hasn't said anything and it's been a few days.

Everyone apart from a couple of my friends thinks I'm crazy for still feeling this way and are telling me to move on. I feel like I'm completely alone in this and it's such a struggle. How am I supposed to process this when it still cuts so deep everyday?

From, Lonely Girl

Dear Lonely Girl,

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain. It is the worst pain in the world, it completely sucks, and unfortunately there is nothing that can be done other than wait for time to heal. He has made it very clear that he has moved on, and you have to find a way to let go of the past, because there's nothing in his messages that suggests he is open to revisiting your relationship.

The fact that you felt comfortable, happy and in love tells me that you will feel that way again. I have known many people who have lost their loves, been dumped, and felt that they would never find a love like that again - but they have, and are now happier than ever before.

What makes this so much harder is that you never had a conversation about what went wrong. If he would be willing, a conversation might help you find closure. Either way, he has moved on, and the best advice I can give is to make yourself busy, spend time with friends you love, find things in life that bring you joy.

It would be helpful for you to process this with someone professional rather than a friend, for our friends become impatient, and are wont to advise rather than just listen. Either find a local therapist, or perhaps look at Betterhelp.com, which offers online therapy for very reasonable pricing.

I can tell you, from experience, that broken hearts heal, but it takes time. One day you will realize that he is not the first person you think about, and then, suddenly, you will find you have gone a couple of days without him being paramount in your mind. The pain becomes easier to live with, and then slowly, slowly, goes away. I wish I could give you better news, but when my heart was broken, it took a full year before I started to feel like me again, and another year before I could honestly think about that person without emotion or pain.

I wish you well, Lonely. And I send you much love.