Our children implore us for more progress, not blame, in stopping mass shootings | Column

• USA TODAY Network Tennessee Columnist Cameron Smith is a Memphis-born, Brentwood-raised recovering political attorney raising four boys in Nolensville, Tennessee.
• One of The Covenant School shooting victims was the author's third grade teacher.
• Smith also share the trauma of his brother's suicide and how he has helped his own children cope with this tragedy.
• Research shows that shootings like at Covenant might be best viewed as 'extremely violent suicides.'

My son’s face was heavy with thought. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Dad, did you know some kids and teachers got shot at a school today?”

I told him I’d heard about it, but I didn’t know the details. “I’m just really sad,” he said. Following up, I asked him what made him so. “They’re dead,” he flatly replied. “They are kids like me.”

Only later did I realize how correct he was.

Our family attended Covenant Presbyterian Church when I was my son’s age. I vividly remember the old church where we convened a few times a week. From the creaking floors to the light cascading through the large windows, every detail hangs in my mind. I remember the potluck Wednesday night dinners where families gathered, ate, and encouraged each other.

The church outgrew that old building, built a beautiful new campus, and started a school. Close family friends send their kids there. It’s part of our community.

“Dad, those kids and teachers went to school, and they’ll never come home,” my son noted with tears welling in his eyes. In a moment of unusual candor, he told me he just didn’t know what he’d do if he lost one of his brothers like that. “I’d probably just die too,” he said.

More:Covenant School shooting should unite us in grief and resolve | Editorial

Politicians employ the most generic terms

My son’s nightmare became my reality on a January afternoon more than two decades ago. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel the staggering loss of my own brother. Gun violence claimed him.

Suicide. Self-murder. I don’t really care about the words used to describe it, but I know what it feels like to suddenly have an empty room across the hall, an unoccupied chair at dinner, or conspicuously different family photographs.

That pain is why it’s so often easier for me to talk about guns and violence than it is to empathize with such glaring human loss. Statistics and data sterilize the issue. Highlighting the relative rarity of school shootings side-steps the horror of child-sized caskets.

Politicians and pundits speak of mental illness and trauma in only the most generic terms. Debating the current state of Second Amendment jurisprudence makes for fiery cocktail conversation. Keep our eyes on Democratic gun control or Republican brandishing of the God-given right to self-defense. Before you know it we've distracted our way into another news cycle.

We move on. The dead do not.

Hear more Tennessee Voices:Get the weekly opinion newsletter for insightful and thought provoking columns.

The tragedy hits close to home

My mom texted me to let me know Miss Broyles was one of The Covenant School victims. I didn’t recognize her married name, Cynthia Peak, at first.

Then I saw her picture, and I remembered. I can hear her voice kindly telling kids to line up in the hallway all these years later. She was one of my third grade teachers at Christ Presbyterian Academy.

The news broke me.

I went out to my car, pounded the steering wheel, cried, cussed, and prayed. For a minute, the floodgates opened, and I felt the full fragility of my own humanity. The weight of what we’re losing is immense. It’s not just the people who die for no apparent reason; hope seems to wane as well.

What can we do to prevent our fall into a calloused culture of death?

Sign up for Black Tennessee Voices newsletter:Read compelling columns by Black writers from across Tennessee. 

What is at the root of mass shootings?

Jillian Peterson, an associate professor of criminology at Hamline University, and James Densley, a professor of criminal justice at Metro State University, researched mass shootings in depth. They published their findings in a 2021 book, “The Violence Project: How to Stop a Mass Shooting Epidemic.”

In an interview with Politico, Peterson noted a consistent pathway that moves individuals to such extreme acts of violence.

“Early childhood trauma seems to be the foundation, whether violence in the home, sexual assault, parental suicides, extreme bullying,” Peterson notes. “Then you see the build toward hopelessness, despair, isolation, self-loathing, oftentimes rejection from peers.”

From there behaviors change and a type of suicidal ideation emerges. The only remaining question is whether the self-hate turns against others.

Peterson suggests that shootings such as the one at The Covenant School might best be viewed as extremely violent suicides.

Sign up for Latino Tennessee Voices newsletter:Read compelling stories for and with the Latino community in Tennessee. 

How ordinary citizens can act to make a difference

In my own family, I’ve seen the devastating impacts of trauma. Violence becomes a tool of control for individuals who feel areas of their lives are in chaos. Their violence imposes new traumas that, left unaddressed, become the next generation of damaging behavior.

We should start there. Go directly to the heart of the issue instead of its symptoms. How do we provide the resources, people, and context to break the trauma cycle for so many young Americans?

We should welcome all ideas. Focus less on blame. Make some progress …- any progress.

My family has chosen to engage the foster system to provide children with stable environments to work through trauma.

Others might advocate for better counseling services and training for parents and teachers. Some of us might champion trigger locks for firearms to give upset individuals a moment to pause and consider different choices.

We are not without options even if our political leaders struggle to find them.

We also shouldn’t avoid the ache in our hearts from the tragic loss of life. Our children feel it in ways some of us have forgotten.

My sons need a father willing to engage life’s tragedy, openly struggle through it, and grow. Our world offers plenty of pain. The Covenant School shooting is the latest example, not the last.

Either we use the tragedy as an opportunity for connection and healing, or we take another turn in the endless cycle of isolation, anger, and violence.

USA TODAY Network Tennessee Columnist Cameron Smith is a Memphis-born, Brentwood-raised recovering political attorney raising four boys in Nolensville, Tenn., with his particularly patient wife, Justine. Direct outrage or agreement to smith.david.cameron@gmail.com or @DCameronSmith on Twitter. Agree or disagree? Send a letter to the editor to letters@tennessean.com.