How To Know If You're An 'Eggshell Mom' — The Type Of Mom That Keeps Their Kids In A Constant State Of Anxiety
Eggshell moms instill fear and anxiety in their children.
TatyanaGI, Roberto / Getty Images via Canva, Andrey_Popov / Shutterstock When women decide to become mothers, it’s important that they are in a healthy state — mentally, physically and emotionally.
As the nurturers of our children, we are responsible for teaching them to have high self-esteem and good decision-making abilities, all while making sure we have a supportive emotional connection with them.
Every person is unique, and their specific parenting style depends on their own experience and upbringing. But how a woman interacts with her children can impact their mental health.
There are many ways to have a toxic relationship with your offspring. One of them is being an "eggshell mom," a behavior that, over time, keeps your kids on pins and needles around you.
What is an eggshell mom?
An "eggshell mom" is a mother who has created an emotionally abusive relationship with her kids, causing them to start walking on eggshells around her, hence the name.
The term has become increasingly popular on TikTok, with people taking to the platform to explain their experiences with their own mothers.
They aren’t sure if she will be upbeat and loving or lash out in anger from one moment to the next, so they are in a constant state of angst. This emotional abuse is no less damaging than physical domestic violence.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I always feel like I am walking on eggshells around my mom?” she might fall into this category. One minute everything is great, and the next, there is utter chaos.
An eggshell mom's behavior is like that of those afflicted with borderline personality disorder (BDP), where there are wild moods swings.
TikToker Dr. Kim Sage shared a video detailing the impact of eggshell moms on kids, including hypervigilance, anxiety, overthinking, a lack of trust, being easily triggered or startled, and developing chronic health conditions.
Dr. Sage also notes that there is a lack of predictability with an eggshell parent.
How To Know If You’re An Eggshell Mom
If you happen to be an eggshell mom, whether you know it or not, your kids will do anything to stop walking on eggshells in your presence. Finding out if you are, in fact, an eggshell mom can help you decide if you need some sort of behavioral therapy to overcome it.
Here are a few signs that you might be an eggshell mom.
1. You're unable to self-regulate.
Eggshell moms don’t know how to respond to everyday things that happen in life. You may be an eggshell mom if you have huge emotional reactions that may not fit the situation or circumstances at hand. This can also be true of people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Something trivial can easily be blown out of proportion for an eggshell mom, as explained by Dr. Nicole LePera.
2. You set the mood in your home.
If everyone in your home’s mood changes depending on how you are treating them, you might be an eggshell mom. You’ve created an environment where people are required to bend to your whims and try to please you, but have started to react to your hot and cold personality.
3. You don’t care about political correctness.
Eggshell moms are not worried about sparing anyone’s feelings. For you, because you have trouble controlling your emotions and actions, you do things that many would consider beyond the pale. You may be rude, condescending, or insulting and can’t seem to stop.
4. You lack boundaries.
If you are an eggshell mom, you don’t know how to draw the line in your communications with your children.
Perhaps you share adult information with them, treating them as a "best friend" instead of someone you should be caring for and protecting. Or, you hold them accountable for what is wrong in your life, giving them an emotional burden they shouldn’t have.
5. You lack accountability.
Moms with eggshell personalities believe the truth is whatever they say it is. If you are an eggshell mom, you are convinced that you are always right, so there is nothing to be sorry about.
Your treatment of others, and lack of consideration and dismissiveness is always justified. You blame everyone but yourself because you don’t know how to take ownership.
6. You're jealous-hearted.
As strange as it sounds, eggshell moms can get very envious of their own children, causing them to shame and insult their own offspring.
You can be judgmental and take on a delusion of perfection to make yourself feel good. Conversely, in moments of clarity, you can quickly switch to being upset when you realize that you are not all you thought you were.
7. You're controlling.
Eggshell mothers want to control everything around them, including the thoughts and actions of their kids. Any deviation from what you have planned in your children’s life could lead to an outburst like people have never seen before. Kids learn to toe the line, caving to your impulsive will.
8. You're willing to lie.
If you are an eggshell mom, you will get what you want by all means necessary, even if it means being dishonest. You view lying as a means to an end and see nothing wrong with it if you think you are doing it for the right reasons.
9. You sow discord.
You like to see people upset and reactive because you are. You will turn an entire room upside down because your mood has changed.
It’s all about you and you need to know that everyone feels your wrath when you are angry. You yell, overemote, and might even become violent to get your way.
The bottom line is that mothers who keep everyone around them on eggshells can do a lot of harm to themselves and their children. If you are having trouble regulating your mood or controlling your impulses, reach out to a professional for the help you need.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, who specializes in content about self-care, self-love, self-enlightenment, interpersonal relationships, and personalities. She strives to deliver informative and entertaining content you can use to help navigate life.