The Oak Ridger's 1973 Bride and Groom celebrate 50 years: Tom and Sandra Tuck
Fifty years ago, Tom and I were chosen as The Oak Ridger’s June Bride and Groom of 1973. The newspaper's annual June Bride and Groom edition included articles about marriage and photos of us at various merchants of which only two remain in Oak Ridge today, Big Ed’s and J.C. Penney. On our 25th anniversary in 1998, I wrote a follow-up article and I am privileged to write another for our 50th anniversary.
How do you summarize a 50-year relationship in a few words? We met in Oak Ridge in 1967 at Carbide Park at an Oak Ridge High School baseball picnic and began dating for the first football game of Tom’s senior year in 1967 and my junior year. We graduated from ORHS, and both went to the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, where we dated throughout college with a few breakups along the way. Tom graduated in 1972 and began work as a shoe salesman while waiting to find employment in the banking industry. I graduated in 1973 and we married the day after I graduated before I began my first job at the Department of Energy. We had our first son in January 1980, followed by our second son in November 1981, and finally our third son was born in January 1986. Our family was complete, and we spent the next 20 years raising sons, attending ball games, overseeing homework and just enjoying watching them grow. They had each finished college and graduate school by 2010. We had at least one child in college for 12 years and sometimes three at the same time. Someone asked Tom about how you keep three in college, and he replied, “You just make all the money that you can and send it to them." Then the weddings began, and we now have three daughters-in-law and eight grandchildren. Our most recent grandchild was born on May 22, 2023 to our Oak Ridge son and his wife, and our oldest grandson will turn 12 this summer. We have five grandsons and three granddaughters, so I finally got some girls in the family. Our family covers the state from Oak Ridge to Nashville to Memphis - so we make a lot of driving trips across Tennessee.
Factors behind long marriages
When I was thinking about writing this article, I queried several long-married couples about what factors contributed to their staying married for a half century or longer. The first comment from each couple was the vows they took when they married. The vows were sacred to them, and they were made for better or worse and in sickness or health and for a lifetime. Another friend, a widow, commented that they didn’t ever consider that the grass might be greener with a different partner.
Next mentioned were shared religion and values which form the basis for a solid marriage. Responsible money management and agreement on how money should be spent is also important, but each person does need their own disposable assets. Knowing how to resolve conflict includes compromise, forgiveness and unconditional love along with the principle of “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger." Having similar political views was mentioned by one couple. Another couple who has weathered serious long-term health issues stated that humor and laughter have helped them persevere.
Another important factor in a marriage is respect for your spouse. Your spouse is your best friend and someone you’re with every day, but you should treat this person with respect - don’t interrupt their conversations and say "please" and "thank you." Recently, I realized that I had begun to finish Tom’s sentences for him, and I am working on not doing that. Each person needs their own space in their home for some time alone. Tom and I each have a home office and they are on different floors, which provides some separation and privacy. Finally, Tom told our sons as they approached marriage to cherish their wives and make sure that their wives knew that by their words and actions.
Leslie Snow, a writer for the Shopper News in the Knoxville News Sentinel, recently quoted her daughter Jordan, who said, “I used to believe that happiness was mostly luck but now I think the ability to find joy might be more of a skill.” This is so applicable to a long-term marriage.
Twenty-five years ago, I stated that the second 25 years might be more challenging to our relationship than the first because our lives had been busy and hectic as we pursued careers and raising children. Looking back, this has not been true. As our children left and formed their own families, we were blessed with new adventures that included grandchildren and new relationships with the families of our daughters-in-laws that we now count as extended family. We enjoy taking vacations with our children and with our friends. We go to the beach each year with nine couples and all stay in the same house and we go to the mountains with another friend group each New Year's for what we have termed a "Too Much Fun" weekend.
We have tried playing pickleball, but need a lot of practice. I ran what was probably my last 5K race last year and said that I was hanging up my running shoes, although I continue to walk daily. Staying active and involved with friends and family is probably even more important as we continue through life.
Tom retired in 2020, but continues to be involved with his former workplace and the Oak Ridge Rotary Club and East Tennessee Economic Council (ETEC) on Friday mornings. I continue to work as a real estate appraiser, although I am trying to slow down. I serve as a Commissioner on the Tennessee Real Estate Appraiser Commission and enjoy being a mentor for the Tennessee Promise Program for ORHS seniors.
Being married for 50 years is a significant milestone but when I look at Tom, I see the same person that I fell in love with at ORHS. If he has been away from the house, I look forward to his return and his smile. He is kind and we have been blessed with an amicable relationship and a loving family. A prayer during our wedding included a statement that we would be together until one laid the other in God’s arms. Although difficult to think about, these words remain important and that is our intent. (Two other couples who also were married in Oak Ridge on June 9, 1973, also will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, Ken and Cathy Brock Glass and Ron and Lana Taylor Zuker).
Sandra Cox Tucker wrote this column for The Oak Ridger, where she wrote the "Teen Talks Topics" columnist her senior year at Oak Ridge High School.
This article originally appeared on Oakridger: Looking back and forward: 50 years later
