One of our great items of pop culture kitsch, the Big Mouth Billy Bass has entertained countless man caves, garages, fish fry restaurants and fishing clubs for decades now. This plastic robot fish mounted to the wall mimics a marquee catch and sings pop songs like “Take Me to the River” and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”
While the Big Mouth Billy Bass has faded a bit in popularity since it’s cultural peak in the late 1990s and early 2000s (sans that McDonald’s commercial where a Big Mouth Billy Bass knockoff tells someone to buy a Filet-O-Fish), we think it’s time to break out the fishing nets and haul in this delightful pop cultural remnant. What if the Big Mouth Billy Bass was reissued in 2024 with brand-new songs?
Let’s list the 10 songs we’ll recommend for a Big Mouth Billy Bass and why they’d all be swimming choices. Trust us; this new version would be quite the catch.
"the lakes," Taylor Swift
We’re guessing that this Swift song from her 2020 effort Folklore would probably be really emotional being sung by someone who actually lives in a lake. T-Swift and the Big Mouth Billy Bass would be a match made in heaven. This might even spark The Big Mouth Billy Bass Eras tour for fishes. We’re guessing it’d be a splash.
"Water Runs Dry," Boyz II Men
A Boyz II Men power ballad being sung by a Big Mouth Billy Bass would be pretty fascinating, but the themes of not letting the water run dry before making a romantic connection would hit even harder coming from a fish that would literally die without water to breathe in. Now that’s love!
"Baby Shark," the cartoon shark family responsible for this nightmarish hymn to evil
Does your kid annoy you incessantly about listening to “Baby Shark?” Fear not! The Big Mouth Billy Bass isn’t just fun for the parents, it’s also the world’s most lyrical babysitter! Your kids will have oodles and oodles of fun listening to ol’ Billy signing “Baby Shark” to them. Just prepare yourself for the awkward conversation about why Big Mouth Billy Bass has to live in the living room on the wall.
"Ocean Eyes," Billie Eilish
One of the most popular pop stars in the world deserves a Big Mouth Billy Bass needle drop, so “Ocean Eyes” makes a ton of sense. You stare into Billy’s plastic fish eyes for long enough as he serenades you, you’ll be seeing the ocean, too.
"Stuck On You," Lionel Richie
Since this is concerning a fake fish that is stuck to the wall, maybe Big Mouth Billy Bass can serenade the plaster on which it makes its home? Would this count as a weird form of plastic fish Stockholm Syndrome? Who’s to say. This would be as confusing as it would be entertaining, so we’re down to include it.
"Shallow," Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
Now here is Big Mouth Billy Bass’ masterpiece, the epic song from A Star is Born that talks about jumping off the deep end and diving into the metaphorical water of love. While fishes don’t prefer to swim in shallow water, we still think Billy Bass would absolutely nail this.
"High and Dry," Radiohead
It’s all at once a way to get some real culture on the new Big Mouth Billy Bass playlist and provide an important PSA for all people on how to treat fishes once you get them out of the water. Y’know, catch and release is a great policy for basses and all types of river dwellers. We tried to fit something from Kid A on here, but y’know, there weren’t any good water-based puns.
"As It Was," Harry Styles
To get more kids interested in Big Mouth Billy Bass, let’s include this “As It Was.” Y’know, no it’s not the same as it was for this poor plastic fish who was caught out of a plastic river and turned into a robot that sings pop songs to people. But you make do. It’s meaningful and … catchy.
"Water Under the Bridge," Adele
Adele is one of the biggest pop stars of a generation, and we’re sure that the Big Mouth Billy Bass would love to have the opportunity to share a song about water going under a bridge. That’s not really what the Adele song is about, but to the Big Mouth Billy Bass, it makes a lot of sense.
"Macarena," Los Del Rio
This is just purely for amusements’ sake. It would be really funny to see the Big Mouth Billy Bass sing the Macarena. It cannot do the Macarena, but it can, y’know, flop around and try.
