Dear Amy: My fiance and I are planning for our destination wedding this summer. We have a small guest list and have made our plans very aware of the costs to our guests and the substantial commitment it takes to attend a destination wedding.
My mother is pretty wonderful and although a destination wedding is not her first choice for us, she is being a good sport. She and my father would prefer that we have a more traditional wedding in our hometown.
Recently, though, my mom started advocating that we should include an old friend of hers who is familiar with our wedding destination and has expressed enthusiasm about attending. I have met this woman (my fiance has not), but I am not keen to invite this extra person. When I told my mother this, she offered to pay for her friend’s trip.
I’m feeling pressured to agree to this.
What do you think we should do?
– Bumbling Bride
Dear Bumbling: First, you should ask your mother why she is so enthusiastic about doing this. She may be responding to pressure from her friend.
And then you and your fiance should consider this (together) and take a hard pass on this whole idea, unless you genuinely want her there, which I don’t think you do.
Dear Amy: I have to disagree with your response to “Only the Messenger,” a hairdresser who saw her client’s husband’s picture on a dating website.
You suggested that she send an anonymous message. Disturbing messages sent anonymously are even more upsetting.
A kinder thing would be to let her know the facts in a nonjudgmental way, “I recognized that someone is using your husband’s photo on a dating site.
You and he should check into this to see who is using it”. No assumption that the husband is guilty. And never bring it up again.
– A Reader
Dear Reader: Great advice. Thank you.
Stories by Amy Dickinson
- Ask Amy: Is it ethical for me to pester my brother’s widow about money he stole from me years ago?
- Ask Amy: Long-term agnostic friend doesn’t want to attend woman’s baptism
- Ask Amy: How can I impress upon my in-laws that they must call first, not just stop by?
- Ask Amy: Brother’s notion that he was cheated out of inheritance money causes sibling estrangement
- Ask Amy: I know the man next door is a sex offender. Should I alert the neighbors?
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.