Pokin Around: I don't expect answer, but: Why does this Walmart keep condoms locked up?

I’m going to call this a “Pokin Around” column not because my name is “Pokin” and the subject matter is condoms. I would never stoop so low.

Instead, I'm going to call it "Pokin Around" because I don’t want to label it an “Answer Man.” I doubt I’m going to get an answer.

At least not in this decade.

A reader, who will remain unnamed, told me he recently went condom-shopping and for the first time did so at the Walmart Supercenter at 2021 E. Independence St. in Springfield.

He was stunned by the store’s condom protocol, if there is such a thing.

He found what he was looking for, but it was in a locked display. He had never seen such security, such protection.

To make his purchase, he had to flag down a store employee to open the display. He found this rather awkward.

And then, he was told he was not allowed to carry the condoms with him as he continued his shopping — he had to immediately pay for them at the pharmacy or drop them off there and pay when he was ready to check out.

This seemed very odd to him.

It seems odd to me.

It makes me wonder if the store has a problem with customers buying condoms and immediately using them in the store.

All I can say is that it’s never happened to me.

But these are strange times.

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More importantly, the protocol seems to me to be an inconvenience — albeit a minor one in an age of pandemic — for those seeking to do something which seems to be a public health goal: safe sex.

Or for the abstinence advocates — “safer sex.”

In addition, many might find it embarrassing to search the store for an employee to unlock the cabinet.

Do you have to divulge what size you want?

Will the employee ask: "Would you like some lubricant to go with that purchase? And aren't you the Answer Man?"

It seemed odd enough that I decided to check it out and immediately drove to the wrong Walmart Supercenter.

I did not go to the one on Independence that the reader had mentioned. I mistakenly drove to the one on South Campbell Avenue off Walnut Lawn.

I like to think maybe I was distracted by the fact I would have to ask someone about condoms. At least, I thought, I'd be wearing a mask.

As I entered, I put on my COVID-19 mask, but I was unable to find the condom section among the men’s deodorant, shaving cream, Just For Men hair dye and, of course, Ace bandages.

The pharmacy was nearby; I asked a female employee, who was also masked: "Where are the condoms?"

“What?” she said, through her mask.

“WHERE ARE THE CONDOMS!” I shouted.

I fear I gave her the false impression that my need was immediate.

She told me; I found them. They were right on the shelf.

They were not locked up, at all.

Only then did I realize that this Walmart Supercenter was the wrong one.

In hindsight, I’m glad I initially went there because it tells me that locking up the condoms is not a universal policy.

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Guess what? No reply from corporate 

I then went to the correct Supercenter and, yes, the condoms were locked in a glass display — along with things like pregnancy tests, contraceptive creams, KY Jelly and mini-massagers.

I asked someone at the self-checkout area if I could speak to the store manager so I could ask: Why the security? Is it because people steal condoms? Or is the store trying to exert some type of parental control over young people who might not even be married?

Eventually, a woman named Shelby appeared.

I told her I was a reporter and that I had been asked why the store locks up the condoms.

Then I asked: Was this a new policy?

No, it’s been going on for a while, she said.

But she then politely ended the conversation to check if she was permitted to talk to me further or if I needed to call Walmart's corporate media relations.

She returned; it would have to be the dreaded corporate media relations route. She gave me the 800 number.

I dialed it. Of course, no one answered. It simply is a way to have me electronically submit my media inquiry.

I did that. I included the fact that I was working the story “today,” meaning Tuesday.

No one replied by deadline.

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Such is the life of the modern-day journalist.

You find yourself face-to-face with the local person who can answer your question and most often wants to answer your question but the second you do the right thing and identify yourself as a reporter, you are directed to corporate media relations —  where questions go to die.

I’ll never know if my best guess is correct: That maybe a shopper at the Walmart Supercenter on Independence complained about the condoms or the KY Jelly or maybe even the pregnancy test being freely available on the shelf.

That’s why this is a “Pokin Around” and not an “Answer Man" column.

It's because I don't have an answer and had a hunch I’d be sent to Walmart's corporate media relations and not be able to get one.

But at least now you know where not to do your condom shopping.

Stay safe out there.

These are the views of News-Leader columnist Steve Pokin, who has been at the paper eight years, and over his career has covered everything from courts and cops to features and fitness. He can be reached at 417-836-1253, spokin@gannett.com, on Twitter @stevepokinNL or by mail at 651 Boonville Ave., Springfield, MO 65806.