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Transform loneliness into fulfilling solitude

NIAGARA, Wis. — When I began this column, I started by writing about the book “Passages,” which dealt with the predictable crises in adult lives. Here I am, a year later, writing about another book; one that I am currently reading for my upcoming book club meeting. It is titled “Women Rowing North” and is written by psychologist Mary Pipher. The title is a metaphor for women progressing through the aging process, particularly 60 and older. The secondary title, “Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age” makes it appropriate for men as well. So, whether you are male or female, and of a “certain age,” you will find it helpful.

I have not yet finished this book, but have made it through the largest section that deals with all of the “challenges of the journey.” This column has discussed many of the challenges of getting older and has tried to offer tips, suggestions and solid information that may help us to be our best selves in the final stage of our lives. One chapter in this book that really spoke to me was titled “Loneliness and Solitude.” As I read through its pages, I was pleased to see that the author noted the difference between these two states

First, let’s take a look back — maybe 40 or more years ago. At 25, I was married, had two very young children, had not yet put down roots and was still trying to find a career. My husband and I had managed to finish college only to discover that what we had planned to do professionally was not going to happen; the market was filled with teachers looking for jobs. Our Plan A was not feasible, and we had not yet determined a Plan B. Life was uncertain, and we were busy trying to make our way in the world. The idea of having too much time on our hands was a totally foreign concept; we longed for more hours in the day. Many people probably remember their 20s in similar ways; there is a reason they are known as the “tumultuous twenties.”

When we hit our 30s, we had put down roots and bought our house, had settled on careers and were busy raising two boys while working full time. My husband’s jobs took him out of town for most of the week, so we had a lot of living as a family to do on the weekends. Again, there were not enough hours in the day. Eventually, our kids grew up, started their own lives, and we adjusted to the proverbial “empty nest.” Life was still plenty busy, and we relished the weekends.

Life really did not begin to slow down until retirement, and I think that is true for most of us. That first year of not working feels very strange until we make the necessary adjustments. We develop a new schedule, travel a bit, start new hobbies and learn to live with each other 24/7. Pretty soon, we begin to experience loss; loss of parents and loss of friends. We recognize more people on the obituary page. We start to wonder how many years we may have left on this earth.

Despite the longevity of our family members, we have begun to wonder who “will go first.” Which one of us will be faced with the need to carry on without the other? We can plan together now for that eventuality and have had discussions about moving to an apartment, getting our affairs in order, appointing our sons powers of attorney for health care and finances, and how to dispose of our physical possessions.

But how to manage being alone is a far more difficult talk. That is why I found this particular chapter of my current book so interesting. Pipher states that no matter how we structure our lives, most of us will spend more time alone as we grow older. At 70, the average person spends about seven hours each day alone. While loneliness isn’t unique to our age group, it becomes more inevitable. One statistic jumped off the page at me; Pipher cited a study published by Brigham Young University in 2015 that found loneliness to be as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic! Consequently, it becomes important for us to think about how we are going to compensate for the loss of the most important person in our lives. How do we fill our days and what do we do for companionship?

One thing she stressed was that we can learn to transform our loneliness into solitude. These are two different states, although on the surface they seem the same. It is possible to be alone without being lonely. We can still find meaning and purpose in life when alone. She states, “We can reframe the time we spend alone as positive time and find more ways to enjoy ourselves.” Here are some suggestions Pipher mentioned on how to enjoy our eventual solitude.

1. Continue to cultivate relationships along the way. Once we retire, it is easy to lose the natural connection to an entire group of people with whom we used to work. So, it becomes important to get involved in hobbies or volunteer activities that keep us connected to new groups of people who share similar interests. I love my book club for this reason. There are travel clubs and dinner clubs and many places that would love to have another volunteer.

2. Spend time remembering years gone by. I have noticed that many of the senior living facilities in the area actually schedule times to reminisce, during which residents get together and share their memories. You can do this individually and soon you will no longer be alone as you recall all of the wonderful events of your life spent with loved ones.

3. Books are great companions. You can insert yourself into the lives of the characters and share their experiences. If, like my husband, you fall asleep as soon as you open a thick book, read shorter magazine articles or the newspaper to stay current with the world around you.

4. Caring for a pet helps to alleviate loneliness. As we care for them, they care for us. Meeting their needs gives us more of a reason to get on with our day as we walk the dog or cozy up with a cat on the couch.

5. Begin new hobbies. Use this newfound time to begin a hobby you have always wanted to try — whether it be knitting, scrapbooking or writing. Creativity has a way of transforming a potentially lonely time into a profoundly healthy solitude. You now have the time to pursue new interests.

Prepare yourself now with the knowledge that you will one day be alone in this world. Make up your mind to transform loneliness into solitude … that well-deserved quality time that can fill your mind and heart with comfort and joy.

——

SENIOR LIVING

FACILITIES

Freeman

Kingsford

Scenes and sounds, noon Sunday and 11:30 a.m. Monday through Saturday.

Sunday: Uno, 1 p.m.; dunking donuts, 2 p.m.; church, 2:15 p.m.

Monday: Room visits, 10 a.m.; busy room, 11 a.m.; library cart, 1:30 p.m.; bingo, 2 p.m.; ice cream social, 3 p.m.

Tuesday: Busy room, 10:30 a.m.; reminisce, 1 p.m.; Kentucky Derby, 2 p.m.

Wednesday: Room visits, 10 a.m.; rosary, 10:30 a.m.; room visits, 1 p.m.; Golden Throats, 2 p.m.; movie and popcorn, 3 p.m.

Thursday: Reading buddy, 10:30 a.m.; Bible study, 1:15 p.m.; bingo with Carol, 2 p.m.; “Lawrence Welk,” 4:30 p.m.

Friday: What’s cooking, 11 a.m.; parlor games, 1:15 p.m.; sing along, 2:30 p.m.; happy hour, 3 p.m.

Saturday: Meet and greet, 10:30 a.m.; daily newspaper, 11 a.m.; oldies but goodies, 1 p.m.; bingo, 2 p.m.; evening news, 6 p.m.

Iron County 

Medical Facility

Crystal Falls

Sunday: Room visits, 9 to 11 a.m.; trivia teasers, 10 a.m.; bingorama, 2 p.m.; Church of Christ, 3 p.m.

Monday: Memory books, 9 to 10:30 a.m.; exercise, 11 a.m.; room visits, 1 p.m.; bingo, 2 p.m.; Sunshine Club, 2:30 p.m.

Tuesday: Book club, 10 a.m.; prayer, 10 a.m.; mystery ride, 1 p.m.; wildlife film, 1:30 p.m.; animal kingdom, 2 p.m.; comedy movie, 6 p.m.

Wednesday: Coffee social/current events, 10 a.m.; exercise, 11 a.m.; surprise musical concert, 2 p.m.; night bingo, 6 p.m.

Thursday: Puzzler, 9:30 a.m.; bowling, 10 a.m.; Bible study, 1 p.m.; travel film, 1:30 p.m.; United Lutheran, 2 p.m.; happy hour, 2:30 p.m.

Friday: Crafts, 9 to 10:30 a.m.; exercise, 11 a.m.; room visits, 1 p.m.; Wii fun, 2 p.m.; web browsing, 2:30 p.m.; classic movie, 6 p.m.

Saturday: “Price is Right”/Yahtzee, 10 a.m.; geri-gym, 11 a.m.; intergenerational social hour, 2 p.m.

Manor Care

Kingsford

Wet your whistle, 9:30 a.m. Sunday through Saturday.

Exercise, 10 a.m. Sunday through Saturday.

Lobby activity, 11:15 a.m. Sunday through Saturday and 4:15 p.m. Monday through Thursday.

Popcorn Day every Friday

Sunday: Just jokes, 10:15 a.m.; morsels and more, 1:30 p.m.; Protestant church, 3 p.m.

Monday: President facts, 10:15 a.m.; Crystal Hogan music, 2 p.m.; pokeno, 5:45 p.m.

Tuesday: You be the judge, 10:15 a.m.; resident council/food committee, 2 p.m.; movie and manicure, 5:45 p.m.

Wednesday: Remembering when, 10:15 a.m.; bocce, 2 p.m.; flip five, 5:45 p.m.

Thursday: Crosswords, 10:15 a.m.; Deal or No Deal bingo, 2 p.m.; crazy for cards, 5:45 p.m.

Friday: Finish lines, 10:15 a.m.; Catholic Mass, 2 p.m.; chips and chatter, 2:30 p.m.; movie, 3:15 p.m.

Saturday: Current events, 10:15 a.m.; bingo, 2 p.m.; movie, 3:15 p.m.

Maryhill Manor

Niagara, Wis.

Rosary/communion, 8:30 a.m. Sunday through Friday.

Sunday: Catholic Mass, 9 a.m.; help your neighbor, 10:15 a.m.; penny ante, 1:30 p.m.; Protestant service, 2:30 p.m.

Monday: Yahtzee, 10:15 a.m.; movie and popcorn, 2 p.m.

Tuesday: Protestant service, 9 a.m.; current events, 10:15 a.m.; bingo, 2 p.m.; whammo, 6:15 p.m.

Wednesday: Catholic Mass, 9 a.m.; yoga, 10 a.m.; monthly birthday party with Ray and Mindy, 2 p.m.; Chaplet of Divine Mercy, 3 p.m.; movie and popcorn, 6:15 p.m.

Thursday: Catholic Mass, 9 a.m.; board game, Scattegories, 10:15 a.m.; prayer shawl, 2 p.m.

Friday: Exercise, 10:15 a.m.; short stories, 10:30 a.m.; happy hour with Ray and Mindy, 2 p.m.

Saturday: Baking, 10:15 a.m.; pamper and polish, 2 p.m.; rummage bingo, 5:45 p.m.

Victorian Pines

Iron Mountain

Juice time, 10 a.m. Sunday through Saturday.

Exercise, 11 a.m. Monday through Friday.

Shopping days: 10 a.m. Tuesdays and Fridays, must sign up.

Sunday: Bible study, 1:30 p.m.; refreshments, 3 p.m.

Monday: Birthday party, 2 p.m.

Tuesday: Music with Pastor Jim, 2 p.m.; refreshments, 3 p.m.

Wednesday: Bingo, 2 p.m.; refreshments, 3 p.m.

Thursday: Music with Crystal, 2 p.m.; rosary, 3 p.m.

Friday: Birthday party, 2 p.m.

Saturday: Movie and popcorn, 2 p.m.

Florence Health Services

Florence, Wis.

Morning news, 6 a.m. Sunday through Saturday.

Snack cart, 7 p.m. Sunday through Saturday.

Beauty Shop open Tuesday and Thursday.

Sunday: Bingo, 10 a.m.; Pastor Miller, 3:30 p.m.

Monday: Bingo, 10 a.m.; coffee and chat, 11 a.m.

Tuesday: Chair exercise, 10 a.m.; stack cup, 2 p.m.; reminisce, 6:15 p.m.

Wednesday: Painting, 10 a.m.; reading, 6:15 p.m.

Thursday: Pastor Jason, 10 a.m.; music with Crystal, 10:30 a.m.; manicures, 2 p.m.; pie party, 3 p.m.

Friday: Coffee and chat, 11 a.m.; flippo, 2 p.m.; social hour, 3 p.m.

Saturday: Bingo/family and friends social time, 10 a.m.; coffee and chat, 11 a.m.; trivia, 2 p.m.

Pinecrest Medical Care Facility

Powers

Sunday: Grace church, 10:15 a.m.; card games, 10:30 a.m.; tea party, 2 p.m.

Monday: Life connections, 9:45 a.m.; busy bee, 12:45 p.m.; rosary, 2:30 p.m.; ball toss, 3:30 p.m.; mind joggers, 6 p.m.

Tuesday: Movies, 10 a.m.; busy bee, 12:15 p.m.; bingo, 1:45 p.m.; social circle, 3:30 p.m.; one-to-one visits, 6 p.m.

Wednesday: Social circle, 10:30 a.m.; busy bee, 12:45 p.m.; Sue Williamson’s fry bread and heritage, 2 p.m.; rummy, 6 p.m.

Thursday: Exercise, 10:30 a.m.; busy bee, 12:45 p.m.; bingo, 1:45 p.m.; cards, 3:30 p.m.; one-to-one visits, 6 p.m.

Friday: Catholic Mass, 10:30 a.m.; busy bee, 12:45 a.m.; Jerry Beauchamp, 2 p.m.; ball toss, 3:30 p.m.; one-to-one visits, 6 p.m.

Saturday: Movie, 10 a.m.; spa treatments, 2 p.m.

SENIOR CENTERS

Note: All centers ask for 24-hour advance reservations for lunch. Those who have meals delivered who will not be home should notify the center.

Alpha-Mastodon Center

906-875-3315

Meal at noon every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

Amasa Center

906-822-7284

Open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Lunch at noon.

Bingo on Tuesdays.

Free meal drawing on Thursdays.

Menu for the week:

Tuesday: Spaghetti, green beans, salad and garlic bread.

Wednesday: Roasted chicken, rice, Brussel sprouts and carrot coins.

Thursday: Pork chops, oven-browned potatoes, beets and coleslaw.

Breen Center

906-774-5110

Meals Monday through Friday.

Pasty sale every third Saturday of the month, except on holidays.  

Cards and games available 9 a.m. to noon and 1 to 2 p.m. 

Hostess on duty Monday through Friday.   

Treats and coffee, 8:30 to 11:30 a.m.

Center retail store is open 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Monday through Friday; volunteers and donations are welcome.

Birthdays acknowledged every day.

Evening meals are on the first and third Thursday of the month. Salad bar opens at 4 p.m., with dinner at 5 p.m. Donations are $4 for those 60 and older and $5 for 60 and younger.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Spaghetti, meat sauce, green beans and garlic bread.

Tuesday: Pot roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn and biscuits.

Wednesday: Baked chicken, mashed potatoes and Brussel sprouts.

Thursday: Night meal — Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, cornbread and corn.

Friday: Fish or sloppy Joe, twice-baked potato and broccoli.

Soup, salad and dessert are offered with every meal. Reservations for meals are encouraged. Walk-ins are welcomed.

Crystal Falls Center

Head cook: Lucy Korhonen

906-875-6709

The center is not just for seniors – bring a friend.

Suggested meal donations: $5 if older than 60; $6 if younger than 60; $1 extra for take-out.

To reserve meals, call the center by 1 p.m. with name and number of people.

All dinners include the soup and salad bar, homemade dessert, tea, coffee and milk.

Open: Monday through Wednesday, 4:30 p.m., soup and salad bar; 5 p.m., dinner.

Mondays: Basket weaving after dinner — all are welcome for dinner and/or class. Beginners can make their first basket with materials provided.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Hot turkey over mashed potatoes, stuffing and vegetables.

Tuesday: Hamburger and fries.

Wednesday: Pork roast, potatoes and vegetables.

Crystal Lake Center

906-239-0278

The center is closed on weekends.

Monday: Woodcarvers, 10 a.m.; Les Artistes Art Club, noon.

Tuesday: Pinochle, 12:30 p.m.; two-person team cribbage, 12:30 to 3:30 p.m.

Wednesday: Spinning Spools Quilters Guild, 1 p.m., with crafters, scrapbookers and others also welcome; knitting and crocheting class, 1 to 3 p.m.

Thursday: Pinochle, 12:30 p.m.; Happy Quilters, 1 p.m.

Friday: Smear, noon.

In addition to home-delivered meals, a lunch at the center is offered from 11:45 a.m. to 12:45 p.m. every Wednesday, along with two evening meals each month. Meals cost $5 for those younger than 60 years and a $4 donation for those older than 60.

Home-delivered meal menu for week:

Monday: Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, gravy and corn.

Tuesday: Cheese omelet, hash browns and oatmeal.

Wednesday: Beef stew and biscuits.

Thursday: Chicken cordon bleu casserole, California blend vegetables and dinner roll.

Friday: Chili, cornbread and coleslaw.

Any questions regarding the home-delivered meal program at this center can be directed to Christine McMahon at 906-774-2256

Wednesday: Noon meal at center — vegetable beef soup and deluxe salad bar.

Transportation is available from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. Call 906-282-0492 or 906-774-2256. Rides are $3 for age 60 and older, and $3.50 for younger than 60. 

Felch Center

906-246-3559

Meals served at 11:30 a.m. Monday through Wednesday.

Bingo after lunch on the first and third Wednesday of each month.

A congregate jigsaw puzzle is done daily.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Beef stew, coleslaw and winter blend vegetables.

Tuesday: Taco salad, tortilla chips, salsa and corn medley.

Wednesday: Roast pork and plum sauce, sauerkraut, mashed potatoes and broccoli.

Aging and Disability Resource Center of Florence County, Wis.

715-528-4890

Director: Tiffany White

Suggested donation for seniors older than 60 is $4 per meal. Residents younger than 60 must pay $7. Reservations and cancellations are needed 48 hours in advance.

The ADRC can assist area seniors and those with disabilities with transportation Monday through Friday. Transportation reservation should be made with meal reservation.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Closed for Presidents’ Day.

Tuesday: Florence Center will be closed for elections. All other centers — Crispy chicken, parsley red potatoes, green beans and tropical fruit.

Wednesday: Swiss steak, mashed potatoes, carrots, spinach salad and cookies.

Thursday: Liver and onions or chicken, black beans and rice, corn and bananas.

Friday: Cubed pork with gravy over noodles, squash, tomato juice and fruit medley.

Other assistance includes information on aging, benefits specialist and caregiver support.

Fence Center/Town Hall

715-336-2980

Reservations for meal at 855-528-2372

Meal served Wednesday only, with the same menu as listed under ADRC of Florence County. Reservations are requested. Cribbage and cards are available.

Florence Community Center/Town Hall

Reservations for meal at 715-528-4261

Home-delivered meals are available. Meal is served at 11:30 a.m. at this center Monday through Thursday, with the same menu as listed under ADRC of Florence County.

Tipler Town Hall

Reservations for meal at 715-674-2320

Serving lunch at noon on the second Thursday of the month only, with the same menu as listed under ADRC of Florence County.

Hillcrest Senior Dining Center, Aurora

Reservations for meal at 715-589-4491

Meal is served at 11:30 a.m. Monday through Friday, with the same menu as listed under ADRC of Florence County. Transportation arrangements can be made to and from the meal site.

Hermansville Center

Coordinator: Pam Haluska

906-498-7735

Meal is at noon Monday through Friday. Suggested donation is $3 for age 60 and older and $7 for those younger than 60. Morning coffee is available daily.

Fifteen games of “fun bingo” are played each Tuesday and Friday, along with a 50-50 drawing.

Tuesday: Bingo, 12:45 p.m.

Wednesday: Cards played in the afternoon. Call ahead to see if a game will be going on.

Friday: Bingo, 12:45 p.m.

Monday through Friday: Walking in the gym, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. A treadmill also is available.

Enjoy friendly interaction with other crafters.

Iron River Center

906-265-6134

Meals served 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Monday through Wednesday; a $4 donation is encouraged from those 60 and older, and a $5 payment is required from those younger than 60. Thursday meal, 3:30 p.m. soup, 4 p.m. salad bar, with dinner 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. Home-delivered meals are available — call 906-774-2256 ext. 235 or ext. 230.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Smoked sausage, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes.

Tuesday: Shepherd’s pie, roll and cranberries.

Wednesday: Beef stew and roll.

Thursday: Barbecue chicken, mashed potatoes and cheesy broccoli.

Niagara Northwoods Senior Cafe and Center

Meal site manager: Corrie Maule, 715-251-1603

Senior center director: Jill Anderson, 715-251- 4154

Noon meals served Monday through Thursday. Transportation is available to the meal site for those living in the Niagara, Wis., area. Any senior groups that would like to use the meal site as a meeting place are welcome — come for lunch, then stay for a meeting or social time. Wii games, cards, puzzles and board games are available to play. 

Other activities are in the works — suggestions are always welcome. 

Those who have not been at the meal site/senior center are invited to give it a try. Those who haven’t been here in a while are encouraged to come back.

Norway Center

Director: Susie Slining

906-563-8716

Monday through Thursday: Meals served at noon, with salad bar. Soup also is available at 11 a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Milk, juice, bread, fruit, tea and coffee served daily. Meal donation is $5. Reservation for the meal should be made in advance.

Two special-themed meals take place each month on Tuesday, with bingo, prizes and a 50-50 drawing.

Two evening meals offered at 5 p.m. on the first Monday and third Wednesday of the month, with bingo, prizes and a 50-50 drawing.

The center board will meet at 10 a.m. Monday.

Menu for the week:

Monday: Country-fried steak with gravy, baked potatoes, peas, salad bar, fruit, juice and dessert.

Tuesday: Polish sausage, sauerkraut, boiled potatoes, soup and salad bar, fruit, juice and dessert.

Wednesday: Noon meal — Liver or burger and onions, peas and carrots, salad bar, fruit, juice and dessert; 5 p.m. meal — Barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables, soup and salad bar and dessert.

Thursday: Birthday Club — Chicken, bacon alfredo, carrots and onions, garlic bread, soup and salad bar, fruit, juice and birthday cake.

Cards are played daily after the noon meal.

Craft and exercise classes on Mondays and Thursdays.

Ceramic and art classes Wednesdays.

Puzzles always in the works.

Note: File of Life packets available at the center.

Sagola Center

906-542-3273

Meals: 11:45 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Cards: Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Commodities every other month and quarterly commodities are every three months.

A puzzle table is available to enjoy. Volunteers are always welcome. 

Note: The cook for the Sagola Center is on vacation in February, so no meals will be served this month. A few homebound people will receive some meals from the Felch Senior Center.

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