William Dameron Doesn’t Lie: But Here’s Why He Wrote The Book On It

William Dameron is the author of his 2019 debut memoir: The Lie: A Memoir of Two Marriages, Catfishing & Coming Out, named A New York Times Editor’s Choice, and One of the Best LGBTAQ Memoirs of 2019 by The Advocate Magazine.

For Bill, writing is a highly successful side hustle: he can boast bylines in The New York Times NYT , The Boston Globe, Salon, and The Huffington Post. In his day job, he is an IT Director for a global economic consulting firm, where he educates users on the perils of social engineering in cybersecurity. William, his husband, and their blended family of five children split their time between Boston and the coast of southern Maine. 

I was delighted to speak with Bill about his stunning book (A beautiful story of one man’s struggle with his true identity, and the journey toward self-acceptance, even in the face of losing his family). We also covered the literary tools he used, his inspirations, and why catfishing was such a theme throughout his book. 

EE: Why did you write this memoir and what do you expect to come out of it.

WD” When I was coming out and looking for other stories of a queer person’s perspective of coming out later in life, I couldn’t find it.  I wrote the memoir because I want people to know it’s never too late to be yourself. After lying all those years, it is important for me to tell the truth.

EE: The book covers coming out to your wife, and your feelings of deceitfulness. It also talks about how your photo has been used to catfish women. An interesting dichotomy. 

WD: My photo was used to catfish people. But also, this is what I did my entire life. I catfished everyone. I pretended to be someone I was not, because I was not comfortable with who I was. So even once I stopped lying about who I was, my face continued to lie to the world, and when we fool people there is a lot of collateral damage. Catfishing is also famous as a literary device. Cyrano de Bergerac, is possibly the most famous literary "Catfish." Because Cyrano had such a large nose, he felt no woman could ever love him, so he uses Christian's face to catfish Roxanne. 

EE: When you met your husband. You had fears. But it sounds like he allayed them.

WD:  My therapist said, “Bill you are a good person you will attract a good person.”  But, because I lied  for so many years, I was riddled with insecurity. I thought if I told the truth, guys would run. 

At our first date at a cheesecake factory at the Burlington Mall, he placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me. He pulled out pictures of his kids from his wallet and share them with me, and I did the same. I thought I could introduce this guy to my family. 

EE: You use the literary theme of haunting a lot in your book.

WD: Yes. I was not fully there. I was a spirit. My ex-wife Katharine was in love with a ghost and every time she looked at me she could sense acknowledging her own haunting. 

I used the technique of writing about the haunting in the format of a braided essay about Kindertotenlieder, a mournful song representing death. In braided essays, two or more strands are woven together (typically unique story lines from different time frames) and they are separated by white space, a number or in my case, a third separate strand, which is a factual account of how sounds waves physically change us. In the previous chapters, I had been weaving back and forth in time. In this chapter, I wanted the two time frames to collide for the greatest emotional impact.

Another literary technique that I use often is the objective correlative, when you use an object or action to stand in and carry the weight of an emotion (author, Ann Hood is a master at this). For example, I use the way I walk in the chapter “My Adult Walk,” I use a haircut to represent letting go and saying goodbye in the chapter “264 Haircuts,” and I use Paul's physical lighting projects to describe how he has illuminated my word in the final chapter, “Lighting Dark Spaces”.

EE

What’s next?

WD: I am working on a novel that is based on real life. My aunt Sheila, who I reference in my book,  had an uncle who was gay. So I’m writing a multi-generational novel based on research about these family members.

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