My husband is convinced I cheated despite paying £600 for a lie-detector test
DEAR DEIDRE: I PAID £600 for a lie-detector test, have been to couples counselling and pleaded my innocence yet my husband is still adamant that I cheated. I am at my wits’ end.
This awful episode started three years ago when we returned home for a funeral in Scotland.
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He went from being his normal, lovely self to being really moody and sullen.
When we got home, I discovered he had seen a photo of me and my brothers and sisters on holiday years ago.
There was a lad in the picture who had his arms around me.
I did meet a different boy who was in a band and he took me to a few gigs.
When I got home, I told my husband — who was then my boyfriend. But there was no more to it than that.
All these years on, my husband thinks the boy in the photo was this lad and is convinced I was unfaithful with him every night of my holiday, which absolutely didn’t happen.
He is also convinced that when we were engaged, I went to a bedroom during a wedding with another man and had sex behind his back. Again, this did not happen.
When I was back home, I was speaking to a family friend on the phone and my husband says if he hadn’t been there, I would have gone off and had sex with him too.
We have been married for more than 40 years, I’ve never cheated and was a virgin when we got married.
I’m 67 and he’s 68.
I’ve tried everything and don’t know how to get through to him.
If a lie-detector test won’t convince him, what will?
I feel so sad our happy marriage is being ruined.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is his problem, not yours.
Ask him if he realises how his fixation is jeopardising decades of happiness, marriage and family life.
He might have earlier experiences of infidelity that lie behind his suspicious approach.
If someone close to him cheated, it could affect his judgment.
It might be worth him seeing his GP to rule out any age-related conditions that can cause sudden personality changes.
Talk to your husband and explain that you love him, you chose to get married to him and to share your life with him.
I’ll send you my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, which will help you both talk honestly about your issues.
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Don’t give up on him. But ultimately he must decide if he can end these doubts so you can enjoy your future together.
If things don’t improve, consider counsel-ling alone to decide on your next steps.
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