Anger, sadness, guilt and hopelessness. I can still remember vividly how I felt when I discovered that my 76-year-old mother had been abused in her care home by a worker.
Like so many people across the UK, I’d made the difficult and heartbreaking decision to place my mum, Ellen, in a residential home after she developed vascular dementia and couldn’t cope living on her own.
I’d done so fully believing she would no longer feel vulnerable and I trusted she’d be looked after – but I was wrong.
I am far from alone though and this is, sadly, a far too common story.
Just this week, two care workers were jailed for 20 weeks after being found guilty of mocking dementia sufferers and throwing stones at them.
I hear of instances like this on a regular basis, after setting up a non-profit organisation called Care Campaign for The Vulnerable following my mum’s appalling treatment, in a bid to support others like me.
With 65,000 dedicated followers we help champion and promote the benefits safety monitoring can bring into care homes for both vulnerable residents and their carers.
But while we are making great progress, sadly we still receive heartbreaking images of loved ones suffering unexplained injuries. I’ve even been asked by families to go to the coroner’s court with them after a relative had died in care.
During one case I remember listening to the devastating details on how an elderly lady ‘fell’ from her chair in her care home and sustained such horrific injuries they led to her eventual death. It was just horrifying.
That family still have no answers to how it happened and seeing the damage it has done to them is unforgivable. Something like this should never be ‘just accepted’.
I also visit many care homes in my role and know so much good is carried out on a daily basis.
However, it must be understood that accidents and incidents can happen, especially in the care of vulnerable people and therefore transparency is vital.
Not just for families, but carers and care providers. I get lots of messages from that side, too, with staff reciting their innocence when elderly clients suffer un-witnessed falls or accidents.
It’s important to remember that while many of these elderly people that live with dementia are vulnerable, the carers who look after them are, too.
My own experience resonates with the many families who contact us.
Mum had been in the home for five months when I received an out of the blue phone call from a whistleblower who told me that she and other residents were being cruelly treated by a member of staff. I felt sick to the stomach with dread.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and felt so guilty that I had put Mum in this situation.
My mother ended up being admitted to hospital for two weeks with a fractured vertebra and my world stopped. Anger and guilt presided over everything else I was feeling – seeing my mum so vulnerable and scared was nothing short of heartbreaking.
I asked the home to show me the CCTV, so I could look over these events that occurred, but was told by management they didn’t have safety monitoring and it was added, rather indifferently, that they would never welcome it.
An admittance to assaulting my mother to the police from the carer ended with her just being ‘let go’ and it was then our initiative was launched, raising awareness to CCTV in communal areas in all UK care homes.
It was an environment I didn’t want to leave my vulnerable mother in
After that I tried two more care homes with my mum, but when she suffered further unexplained injuries I decided to take her out of the care sector and look after her myself.
Not because all carers couldn’t or didn’t show care, but because I knew the level of transparency that was required around elderly in care homes simply wasn’t available and therefore it was an environment I didn’t want to leave my vulnerable mother in.
My mum sadly passed away on 13 November 2019. Looking after her for the last three years was a privilege but doing so brought many challenging moments that comes with taking care of a vulnerable person.
The battle to get funding and the right home care also took an emotional toll.
Today, I speak to and support hundreds of families and carers who recite the same worries I felt when Mum was in care. Many have far more serious outcomes than my own experiences and families tell me how the stress of being in the care system often takes a cost on their mental and physical health.
Our vulnerable elderly in care homes need better protection and deserve the best care possible, as well as our dedicated care staff. We shouldn’t have families coming to us distraught about loved ones sustaining un-witnessed injuries and being told no answers are available to how they occurred.
We shouldn’t have offending carers being given just a slap on the wrist in too many cases for abusing our loved ones in care.
Nor should we be in a position in 2020 where families are at the end of their tether suffering severe anxiety and depression when close relatives are being diagnosed with dementia just because they do not know how the care is going to be funded.
Now we hear once again from our government that we may have to wait a possible five more years before our social care crisis is solved. This just isn’t good enough.
It confirms what we already know – our elderly are without doubt the forgotten generation. Quite frankly we should hang our heads in shame.
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