VARIETY VILLAGE CHRISTMAS FUND: Mort has helped make miracles happen since 1954
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BY MIKE STROBEL
Special to the Toronto Sun
I wonder if Bridgepoint hospital knows a poetic genius rests in one of its beds.
A Shakespeare or a T.S. Eliot he’s not. Those dudes couldn’t hold a creative candle to Toronto’s own Drake of “doggerel.”
Doggerel, as too few schoolboys know, is the lowest form of poetry, on par with puns. It is the Creature of the Black Lagoon of verse. It is often sappy, clumsy and clichéd.
(Editor’s note: Aha! Strobel! So, you wrote columns in doggerel all those years. We wondered what the hell it was.)
No, poor, unlettered boss, I can only aspire to such literary heights. You misunderstand. Doggerel is so bad, it’s good. Great, even, in the hands of a master.
The grand maestro is Mort Greenberg, 88. Regular readers know of Mort, who has raised huge sums for my Christmas Fund for Variety Village over the years. His $11,000 offering this season is the biggest in memory.
What poetry to my ears! Alas, this is not an entirely feel-good ode. Mort, who has Paget’s, a bone disease, is laid up at Bridgepoint after major surgery.
Photographer Ernest Doroszuk and I go in quest of the great man.
The first guy we meet off the elevator intones, “Your Longfellow is just down the hall. Says it hurts like the Dickens.”
Clearly, word is getting around the pristine halls of Bridgepoint. A mastermind poet is in residence.
Sure enough, there’s Mort, frail and post-op pale, yet still full of piss and vinegar, tubes notwithstanding.
Outside, the weather is frightful, but no match for a doggerelist. Mort, fueled by ice chips, regales us with the origin of snowflakes, ending with:
“…before you knew it, each raindrop went to it
Grabbing a piece of cloud and wrapping itself in a shroud of furry white fluff
Enough! cried the cloud, for crying out loud, if you grab every piece you see
There won’t be anything left of me.
Then in a hurry, flurry, fury and a great big cheer, they leapt off into the cold atmosphere.
So now you know — or did you always know? — a snowflake’s a raindrop dressed in a fur coat.”
Eat your heart out, Lord Byron.
Lately, Mort has been using doggerel to win over the local Nightingales.
“O Suzie, your heart is of gold
While mine may be ragged and old
The drip in my arm is no cause for alarm
As nurses go, you’re a true doozie!“
When Mort, a former sports cameraman, went on the DL, he passed his fund-raising torch to nephew Sheldon Ehrenworth and friend Elizabeth Shelton. They have held it high.
(Strobel, you’re drifting into doggerel again. Or is that just hackneyed prose?)
Seriously, boss, these two are a well-oiled machine, forgive the cliché. They sent out Mort’s annual Christmas card appealing to his network of friends, mostly in sports, with some dandy new doggerel. To wit:
“Celebrate the person that you are
And honour those who helped you come this far
Accept everything the fates give you leave
Enjoy the fetes;
Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve
Happy New Year with every prerequisite
They will imbue it and help you get intuit…”
Put that in your pipe, Ezra Pound.
There has ne’er been a poet like Mort Greenberg. Surely not a more generous one. Since 1954, the year before I was born, Mort has raised nearly $800,000 for Christmas charities, including our fund for Variety Village, a marvelous sports centre in Scarborough for kids with disability.
This year, championed by Elizabeth and Sheldon, his campaign was a smash, raising some $31,000 for various charities.
The Village kids are getting to be serious doggerel fans.
I can’t vouch for the poetic skills of the following folks, but I can confirm their generosity. They’re our other latest donors. To join them, see Sunday’s ad in your Sun or donate at sunchristmasfund.ca.
Jean and David Bashford, West Hill $50
Bob Brown, Etobicoke $50
Shelley Fox, Oakville $50
Patricia Galata, Mississauga $100
Elaine Gilders, Peterborough $30
Bruce & Bonnie Glancy, West Hill $200
Steve Gormick, Toronto $20
William Mclardy, Toronto $50
Cynthia McMartin, Etobicoke $100
Dennis Rein Scarborough, Scarborough $50
Heather Sanham, Markham $25
Sharyn Shell, Toronto $50
Barbara Spyropoulos, Weston $50
Robert Leufkens, Scarborough $200
Jacques Senecal, Toronto $25
Homi and Rasheed Clarke, Etobicoke $40
Chung Moi Chinese Restaurant, Scarborough $100
Murray Barrett, Mississauga $50
Mark Zfienberg, Toronto $20
Brian Heaton, Oshawa $20
Nan Farmer, Pickering $50
Bruce Jackson, Lindsay $25
William Kemper, Toronto $50
Michael Kemper, Toronto $300
Yogen Trivedi, Toronto $51
Jane Worden, Toronto $50
Kenneth Quinlan, Toronto $100
Joseph and Carmel Landry, Collingwood $100
Shelley Black, Etobicoke $30
Bryan Kelly, Toronto $100
Sam Laverty, Oakville $200
Bianca Mason, Markham $50
Kazuo Nishimura, Oakville $75
Stephen Powell, Wooler $20
Brian Pretty, Etobicoke $100
Ross & Carol Quantz, Mississauga $250
Lorrie Shannon, Burlington $100
Marilyn Tannahill, Scarborough $30
David Verdin, Toronto $50
John Wrightly, Hastings $20
Andy Akey, Whitby $100
Carol Bolton, Etobicoke $50
Joe Francella, Toronto $30
Shirley MacLeod, North York $75
Zenon Ruryk, Mississauga $50
Leah Wannamaker, Georgina $70
Helen Zarkos, North York $30
Peter Mitchell, Toronto $100
Maureen Oliphant, Toronto $50
Marjorie and Earl Gray Richmond Hill $25
Gordon McRae, Burlington $500
Isaac Kashton, North York $25
Marion Wilson, Peterborough $50
Juanita Simpson, York $200
Richard Finch, Clinton $25
Helen Delaney, Toronto $50
Friends of Mort Greenberg, Toronto $11,000
Jacqueline Stover, Cookstown $25
Eric Gamble, Toronto $25
Shirley Zinman, Scarborough $100
Basilia Maria Rapoz, Scarborough $500
Gordon Ackersville, Stratford $50 In memory of Bob and Laura Ackersville
Earl and Caroline Woodward, Toronto $100
Shawn Hill, Scarborough $50
Victoria Joan Brighton, Scarborough $40
Laurie Wilson, Oshawa $30
Frances Puczylowski, Scarborough $50
Barry Nichol, Toronto $100
Donna Smith, Etobicoke $200
June Thompson, Burlington $25
Zenon Chwaluk, Etobicoke $100
Alexander Gass, Toronto $1000
Frank Smith, Toronto $25
Thomas Mervin, Scarborough $100
Teresa Jurkiewicz, Toronto $50
Renee Sheldon, Pickering $25
Frank Falletta, Etobicoke $20
Michael Smedley, Toronto $400
Sam Mehta, Toronto $100
Carmen Czuppon, Pickering $50
Trena Brannon, Bobcaygeon $75
Patricia Fell, Orillia $25
Patti Pagett, Kitchener $20
Norm Vincent, Scarborough $150
Doreen Buchan, Scarborough $50
Angelo Lamanna, Scarborough $50
Brian and Debbie Donn, Tottenham $100
Frank and Joanne Lorusso, Mississauga $100
Dave Stevenson, Etobicoke $30
John Mitchell, Etobicoke $25
Julie and Rosemary Rees, Bowmanville $20
Marty Odonnell, Etobicoke $85
Carolina Cameron, Scarborough $200
Ron Thompson, Brooklin $10
Steve & Rita Warlow, Whitby $50
Pearl Hewitt, Pickering $100
John Sturdy, North York $25
Norma Lee, Toronto $35
Annie Cheung, Richmond Hill $100
Linda Clarke, Scarborough $50
Bruce Brunkard, Toronto $20
Stewart Callum, Scarborough $75
Anne Fleming, Pickering $50
Arthur Kalnins, Burlington $30
Total to date: $33,659
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