I began singing in the Catskills when I was 14-years-old. Over the years that followed, I performed at almost every hotel and bungalow colony. Along the way, I met many other performers: singers, comics, dance teams, magicians, and “novelty acts.” Many had regular day jobs in the off-season. (I recall being asked, “So what do you do in the winter?” My standard reply was, “In the winter, I wear an overcoat.”)
One such singer/comic was a cantor in the off-season. He was a nice man and I was flattered when he offered me a job singing in the choir at his synagogue for the High Holidays.
I was 18-years-old, the synagogue wasn’t too far from my home in Brighton Beach, I liked the cantor, had a car and would be attending services anyway so, why not? I accepted and was looking forward to the bi-weekly rehearsals. My parents were proud and happy. After a few weeks, I came to realize something that truly took me by surprise: the cantor was a poor musician, was impatient, and somewhat of an ogre. The rehearsals were becoming intolerable and I wanted out.
As I have done so many times in my life, I decided to discuss this with my father. He would always tell me the truth as he saw it and give me his very best advice.
“Dad,” I said, “I’m having a big problem with the cantor. He often sings off pitch, really doesn’t know how to conduct a choir, has no patience for anything and he’s a bully. I can’t stand the rehearsals anymore and seriously want to quit.” Dad paused for a moment, and asked me to take a seat. The lesson began.
He said, “You can’t quit. You gave your word that you’d sing in his choir and if people can’t count on you to keep your word, then you have nothing. Your word is your lifeline. If people cannot rely upon you, cannot trust you, you are nobody.” Dad went on to say, “You don’t have to be in the choir next year, but you surely do for these High Holidays. You’ve learned your parts, he’s given you some solos and how will he find a replacement so late in the game?” He told me I wasn’t a kid anymore and left me to make my own decision.
I felt a little ashamed and also somehow proud that Dad spoke to me like a man and that right at that moment I took a big step into responsible and respectable manhood.
As I approached my car after a rehearsal one evening, I observed flashing lights, a fairly large crowd and quite a commotion right near where my car was parked. In fact, it was my car, on the sidewalk, one side smashed in, another car perpendicular to mine.
That other car, I learned, was involved in a hit and run somewhere on the opposite end of Brooklyn. The police had been chasing the driver through the streets and it took my car to stop him.
My initial thought was, “What? Why my car – what did I do wrong? I didn’t quit the choir. I’m working hard to make these High Holidays pleasant and beautiful for the community, so why am I being punished?”
Days after that incident, I shrugged it all off and moved on, until recently.
After sharing this story with my son Jon, he offered me a new perspective. Maybe I was being rewarded rather than being punished. Our rehearsal ran a bit late. Had it ended on time, I might have been in the car when it was struck. Or, maybe I was an unwitting hero; had I not parked my car at exactly that spot, the car being chased may have jumped the curb and struck some pedestrians. Thanks Jon.
I also decided to see what Jewish wisdom might have to say about all of this. Bad things, good people and so on. The questions I had asked myself are really unanswerable. The bigger question is, “Now that this happened, what should I do about it?” Turns out, after considering Jon’s perspective, I did the right thing. First, I found some meaning to the incident and secondly, I realized I believe in some aspects of God that I did not consider in my youth.
God does not cause our misfortunes or deliberately punish our bad behavior. These are caused by coincidence, bad luck, bad people or simply living our lives. So, do good, be kind and find meaning in your everyday life.
Barry Roberts, who resides in Delray Beach, is a singer, entertainer, speaker and author.