New kitten too smart for her own good

Time for true confessions.

I am physically and mentally exhausted from trying to outsmart a 9-pound, 16-month-old feline. So far the tally is Cleopawtra — 10; human household member — 0.

"Let's see," I said out loud the other day. "If I feed Howie — aka HowLing, the 90 percent Siamese, and Cleo, then I can put mail in the mail slot without screaming 'no, no, no' as I try to block two curious felines from exploring the world outside."

Ditto, when I changed the sheets. "I know," I told myself, "I'll feed them first, then close the door to the bedroom so they can't get in and jump on the bed while I attempt to put on fresh linens."

I decided on the course of action regarding the bed sheets when, the day before, I piled clean laundry on the bed and tried to fold a tablecloth. "Tried" is the operative word here. Suddenly the tablecloth seemed a lot heavier than normal. That's when I discovered I had created a slingshot effect as I was folding, and a 9-pound black creature had decided to see how it felt to swing to and fro as the stupid two-legged human was pondering why suddenly she couldn't lift said table covering.

Food is the answer, as well, when I want to open the garage door to retrieve the paper. With food in front of both of them, all bets are off. The food is the thing, and Cleo demands to be fed first — so much so that she swats at poor old Howie, who gives her a look of "OK, OK. Ladies first — and I use the term ladies loosely."

There have been times in the last month that, since Cleo's arrival, Howie has stood up for himself and swatted back a time or two.

The most challenging part of welcoming this spitfire into the Heymen household is not stepping on her — something which I have accidentally done on several occasions.

Then there's the thing about tripping over her as she is underfoot, in perpetual motion when there's action in the house.

But, yeah, she's a love. Sleeps in the bed every night, settles down in any room that the two-legged individual chooses to inhabit, and she purrs and likes lap sitting.

Now, if I could just keep her from nipping when something displeases her. A simple no would suffice.

Wonder if I can teach her to talk. She's very intelligent. Hum......

Anne C. Heymen was associated with The St. Augustine Record for 49 years in total before retiring in February 2014 as features editor. Her column runs in The Record on alternate Saturdays.