Empty nest on hold: Parents share what it’s like to have their college freshmen stay home
Had things gone as planned, Jennifer Ruff and her husband would be spending this week sending each of their 18-year-old twin sons to different college campuses. But while one, Harry, is in the process of moving into his dorm at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where he’ll start his freshman year, his brother, David, is now stuck at home. The 18-year-old is a newly minted college freshman at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., which, in response to the coronavirus pandemic, is limiting access to on-campus housing and making his classes virtual. And so he remains in Manhattan with his parents, who had expected to be embarking on their new chapter as empty nesters.
The New York City beauty publicist and her husband are just two of countless parents whose entry into empty nestdom has been delayed indefinitely, for better or worse, due to the pandemic. As many U.S. college campuses remain shuttered, and uncertainty and economic anxiety reign, lives are being put on hold. Bedrooms earmarked as future home gyms or craft rooms remain occupied; plans to downsize or move become unrealistic; and emotions — from anxiety to excitement — run high.
“We definitely thought we would be alone, which in some sense was a nice idea,” Ruff tells Yahoo Life. “We’ve been married 22 years, 18 of which have been spent raising children ... It would have been nice to be home and not worry about what you’re wearing as you walk around the house.”
Ruff says her son is also “disappointed” to not be out enjoying the typical college experience like his twin. A back-up plan to set him up in a D.C. apartment just to get a taste of the city hasn’t yet panned out, but the family remains hopeful that he’ll be on campus by next semester.
In the meantime, they’re focusing on bright spots — companionship, being safe at home and the possibility of getting the dog, which Ruff had envisioned in her pre-pandemic empty nest plans. As the mother of twins with no other children, she says she’s also grateful to have time she wouldn’t otherwise have had to “ease into having an empty nest.” One son leaving for college is an adjustment; losing two at the same time would be a shock to the system.
Diana, a Los Angeles-based mom who preferred to share her first name only, has already experienced having one child head off to college. She tells Yahoo Life the experience has been “easier the second time around” — but no doubt more complicated, as her younger daughter’s freshman year at The University of California, Berkeley will be conducted online, and from the family home, for the foreseeable future.
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“I was excited for Olivia to go to her dream school, but sad about my baby leaving,” she says. “We're happy to have her with us now, but of course hoping everything will go back to normal soon.”
Given the pandemic, things haven’t been “normal” for months, and these traditional rites of passage have been overwhelmed by the turmoil of the times.
“I didn't really have time to envision myself as an empty nester,” Diana says. “Olivia got accepted to Berkeley when the pandemic had already started and I was more concerned about us keeping jobs. I've learned to keep a positive attitude, take one day at a time and hope for the best.”
Angie Lutts, whose freshman son will continue to live at home as he takes online courses, tells Yahoo Life that she’s seeing the extended stay as a blessing in disguise.
“I wasn’t emotionally ready for my firstborn to leave the house for college,” the Texas mom says. “His whole senior year [of high school] was emotional for me due to the anticipation that things would change forever after he left. I find comfort from him staying home for online classes this year. But it’s just postponing the inevitable. I’ll eventually have to accept that he’s growing up and get comfortable with him spreading his wings.”
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