In a world gone mad, we rush into the waiting arms of the NCAA Basketball Tournament.
For a few hours, we can forget about airplane parts falling off mid-flight and KFC turning its chicken into pizza.
While you may be focusing on the flurry of matchups — Will Kansas get past sneaky Samford today? Can Wisconsin and Marquette both win on Friday? — the real fun of March Madness is the parade of wacky collegiate mascots about to descend on a national viewing audience.
The basketball games draw the most attention, but I’ll be watching the sidelines to catch a glimpse of this year’s fuzzy characters:
It’s “reigning” cats and dogs: Each year, the NCAA Tournament is filled with teams sporting feline and canine monikers. We’ve got the Tigers of Auburn and Clemson; the Wildcats of Kentucky, Arizona and Northwestern; the Cougars of Houston and Charleston; and the Catamounts (a fancier name for a cougar) of Vermont. This year’s slate also features plenty of canines, too, including the Bulldogs of Gonzaga, Drake, Yale, Mississippi State and Samford and the Huskies from the University of Connecticut.
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Classics, anyone? Colleges love to invoke the ancient world in their sports programs (instead of actually teaching Latin), including the Spartans of Michigan State.
A tip of the hat: This year’s field includes the Stetson Hatters, named for the famed hat maker John B. Stetson.
No Ozempic for you: While the Stetson’s “John B.” mascot was given a makeover in 2021 to appear slimmer, the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers are sticking with Big Red — a mascot who is, literally, a red blob.
Missed opportunity: Colgate University’s teams are called the Raiders and not, as one would hope, the Fighting Cavities!
Angry birds: Several mascots sprout wings, including Marquette’s Golden Eagle (and not, as my old sweatshirt says, the Marquette Warriors), Creighton’s Bluejay, Florida Atlantic’s Owls and Wagner College’s Seahawks, who won their play-in game Tuesday night, notching the first NCAA Tournament win in the school’s history. (The celebration likely won’t last long, however. Those Seahawks now take on the mighty the North Carolina Tar Heels.)
A very welcome return: The Saint Peter’s Peacocks are back after debuting in 2022 with a surprising March Madness run. Fun fact: This is the only Division I school with a peacock mascot — and this is from a school in Jersey City, N.J. (Not exactly known for its peacocks.)
Who you calling mythical? The Kansas Jayhawks are named for a mythical bird combining the names of two birds, the hawk and the blue jay. But don’t tell the mascot; he thinks he’s real!
This one really is mythical: Blaze, the mascot of the University of Alabama at Birmingham’s Blazers, is a fire-breathing European dragon.
Cue the Weather Channel: The Iowa State Cyclones blew into the tourney again. But the Iowa State mascot is Cy the Cardinal because — apparently — depicting a cyclone via a furry costume is difficult.
Crying wolf: North Carolina State and Nevada are both Wolf Packs, though having a pack of wolves on the court seems unfair to other teams.
Kicking up sand: Long Beach State’s teams are known simply as “The Beach.” It’s difficult to dump a pile of sand on a gym floor, however, so the team’s mascot is a shark named Elbee.
Put up your Dukes: Two teams — Duquesne and James Madison — are the Dukes, but their mascots are very different. Duquesne has a weird fellow with a top hat, while James Madison’s Duke is a dog wearing a purple crown (awww!).
What the devil? The Duke Blue Devils are named for a French infantry unit, the Chasseurs Alpins, and not — as everyone assumes — because of a deal the school’s legendary Coach K made with a certain underworld lord. Still, the mascot’s name is Blucifer ... so you decide.
Mixed message: While Alabama’s team is the Crimson Tide, the mascot is an elephant named Big Al. Totally unrelated.
The stuff of nightmares: With Providence’s terrifying “Friar Dom” mascot missing the tourney this year, the award for Most Horrifying Mascot now goes to Texas Christian University’s Horned Frog mascot. If you see this anywhere near your home, call pest control!
Power of the press: It’s amazing how many college teams’ names and mascots came about because of newspapers. For example, in Oregon, headline writers shortened the team’s name — the Webfoots — to “ducks” to fit across a newspaper page.
This year’s cuddliest mascot is ... Zippy the Kangaroo from the University of Akron. The team was originally called the Zippers, later shortened to “Zips.” The kangaroo mascot was chosen in 1953 for the cuteness factor, we assume. Who doesn’t love a kangaroo? Runner-up: South Dakota State’s adorable Jackrabbit.
Mascot love: Texas A&M’s team is called the Aggies — named for the agriculture school — but the mascot is a collie named Reveille. She’s a real dog and is the most beloved mascot of all time. Reveille is the highest-ranking member of the Corps of Cadets of Company E-2 and, if she is sleeping on a cadet’s bed, that cadet must sleep on the floor. Also, if Reveille is in a class and barks while the professor is teaching, the class is to be immediately dismissed. That’s real power. It might also explain falling test scores.
As much fun as all this mascot madness is, however, if you fill out your bracket based on whether Purdue Pete can out run the Yale Bulldog, you’re on your own. Now excuse me while I look up what a “Tar Heel” is.